Day 19 of 21 of this ENDLESS PANCHA kARMA pRE-Cleanse, DIARY

Pitta with vata imbalance

O H M Y G O D I am so sick of this!!!!

I hope this works - I hope it is worth it!

Today...I did a meditation instead of Kundalini yoga this morning because the sciatica in my leg is acting up - probably because I indulged in Cobra pose last week and it activated the stupid sciatica I am guessing... so I am laying off the yoga right now...then I did my other meditation practice, I did the nostril thing half-assed and I oil pulled. I did not do the oil before shower thing because I had to be somewhere by 930 and I did not have time because again sleeping wasn't great with the plastic thing in my mouth which I will likely eventually get used to...

I met a gal for some spiritual work - and I had a run in with a bunch of women - which I detest - they are like a seething coven of witches - these particular women - and I refuse to "join up" so I am not in the clique. That was yukky.

I went home and sewed myself a "fuck you" mask out of chiffon - an old vintage scarf - so thin that it doesn't even look like I'm wearing a mask. I look forward to seeing how well that goes over. It literally took me a month just to become willing to spend time on mask-making because I am so pissed that God has not granted me the strength to stand up the fucking establishment and say NO to mask wearing, but - that's the way it is. Maybe it's so I can have compassion for others who can't do it either and also to realize that I can't live up to my moral code - maybe it's so I can have compassion for where humanity is at...not sure.

I feel like the state of entropy is so far gone at this point that I can't swim against that current. It's definitely gone to far and we are going to hell in a bucket, and I'm not enjoying the ride, but I can't do a damn thing about it, myself.

I will leave the standing up for principle to the people who can actually do it - I am one of the ones God is going to have to carry - but He does and always has. I doubt He is going to drop me on my head now.

I got a headache during mask making then afterward I made Kale with toasted squash seeds, cashews and dried tart cherries, in roasted sesame oil and then I also mashed up a potato, squash and a sweet potato with black beans, and a can of tomatoes, a bay leaf, and a half tsp each of coriander, fennel, cumin, fenugreek, and salt and then added some Quinoa- delicious - now I know - just use squash for a soup base as a thickener and then I don't have to taste it but I can get all those good nutrients - that's for tomorrow.

I drank a bunch of water thinking maybe I was dehydrated, but I still have the headache? Don't know why.

I ate the kale and I am stuffed.

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