Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.
Hit Rewind to start from Chapter One
Chapter 9
Alright you have struggled through several chapters now, probably offset by the first, dropped into a gooey love story, and then were confronted by a very strange case of schizophrenia.
Now let me set something straight, whatever it is, it´s not schizophrenia.
If it would be explained medically it could be. There are cases that sometimes get misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia.
If you truly feel the need to be labeled as a well-indoctrinated human being it would be dissociative identity disorder (DID).
This is often mistaken with having schizophrenia due to the different identities being interpreted as a delusion, and as these different identities communicate this experience is sometimes classified as auditory hallucinations (hearing voices).
DID, or a multiple personality disorder often evolves from traumatic experiences during the childhood years, and there might be something there.
The switch between personalities can be triggered by a large number of things, stress, anxiety, violence, and anger are common triggers, but one of the less common ones is going into a trance-like state.
This last trigger is probably the only one I experienced. The personalities appearing did not just pop in. They sort of invited themselves or were called upon when the other personality decided to leave.
Because, as you probably can imagine, a childlike personality in a grown-up's body will trigger the wrong kind of attention. And the other personalities are aware of that. At least in Dani´s case, they are aware of each other. Well the others are, I think Dani wasn´t at first.
DID would be a perfect label, ruining the rest of my story, but a great explanation. Unless you are like me.
Unless you accept that the things you encounter are no coincidence. That they have been set on your path. Just as I believe that Dani was set on my path.
That would explain the crazy in love, and over-the-top feelings I never experienced before or after.
Until now, I had no belief, no god, or greater power in my book.
I believed that we were an unlucky combination of particles that were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Those unlucky circumstances formed a molecular structure that over time turned us into badly dressed walking talking uber monkeys. That´s all folks, I was certain there was nothing more to us than that. Humans are the joke of the universe and they are the only ones not laughing.
My reality was so simple, we were made from dust, and to dust, we would return. Some soon, some sooner.
Hence based on my belief I should have condemned the girl I was now married to as a mental basket case. Or do what many lovers do, try to protect the one they loved by hiding the reality from her and hiding her from reality.
I mean in my book this was just a messed up bunch of synapsis due to a traumatic experience, triggering protective layers to deal with whatever she was not able to deal with in the past.
But what if that is just part of the story, what if these supportive personalities did not come out of nowhere?
What if they were called upon in a moment of trauma, allowed to enter, and by doing so find themselves a vessel to navigate among humans? They entered to protect and because they had an agenda of their own.
I could take a step further, maybe the traumas were planned as they ensured a mental rift between this world, and the world our eyes are not capable of grasping.
That is utterly insane, isn´t it?
Just as insane as the idea that the world is round, that earth moves around the sun, or that god is neither a man nor a woman.
It would be easier to assume that in 200 years of psychiatry humans have learned everything about the mind. Yes, it is only 200 years since alienists started treating mental alienation.
Now, why would the word alien be there?
Is that a mistake, crude use of the language? Or did they truly think that the mental states sometimes were caused by something outside of the own psyche, something alien?
Where alien does not have to refer to creatures with snake-like skin and big eyes, but just to anything not part of the self. I mean during those days they probably had never seen an alien, at least not the ones that we are made to believe in.
Of course, the easiest is to discard that idea. To assume that it´s messed up wiring of that most delicate organ, the brain.
Therefore I can not explain, why my brain did not accept that explanation.
Why did I not have her committed?
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