Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.
Hit Rewind to start from Chapter One
Chapter 3
Note to Reader: Trust me this will be a long story, so don´t think I turned all mushy and lovey-dovey. I just need to paint you a picture explaining how unnatural crazy I was about this girl.
As I believe that coincidence does not exist, what should be my takeaway from the encounter with that divine dark beauty?
If she is a mirror, she shows me that I have completely strayed from the path I should follow.
Or is there more?
Is my racing heartbeat a matter of hormones, or are we predestined?
I never saw her behind the bar again, but humans are creatures of habit. And that was just my luck, as that brought her back to this place every now and then. Occasionally on a lost Friday evening or afternoon, she would walk in.
Never alone of course.
In the beginning, she was invariably surrounded by friends, so all I could do was stare and dream. What could I do, I knew nothing about her.
Well, nothing, the very first time she entered she ordered tea and a pre-rolled joint. Her eyes were shining, the smile on her face so pure: "You're new here, I'm Daniella."
"Guus, very nice to meet you, Daniella," it was out there before I knew it.
It must have been my fantasy in which I believed our eyes lingered together for a moment until we both turned around with a smile and stepped back into the life we had just slipped away from for a couple of seconds.
For months it was only an occasional visit with a hi and bye and that sparkle in her eye when she ordered something,
My relationship rippled on, there was never an argument, never a fight. We were the most boring twenty-year-old couple there was.
Everything we did was within the lines. We were fucking students and acted like our parents, probably even worse than our parents, knowing my parents.
In addition, after so many months, the sexual tension had completely disappeared as far as I was concerned. Especially now that I had met a woman I could only dream of, a vivid lucid dream that haunted me day and night. She was everything I ever wanted, and I looked for her wherever I went.
How difficult is it to leave a partner when you live together in the same house?
Why had I ever started this?
What purpose did this relationship serve in my life?
I was lonely when I met her, lonely and lost. She had a cute upturned nose and a sweet smile. My parents loved her, but I was done with her.
Had the loneliness the year before made me unnecessarily bond with her?
Did I have to learn that it was better to be alone than lonely with two?
Did I have to learn that a relationship without passion and fire equals death?
At the same time, my love for the full dark Daniella increased day by day. Maybe I had never been in love before, I couldn´t tell if this was falling in love or chasing an obsession.
Was it love, lust, or a compulsive neurosis that made me cycle through all the streets of Tilburg where I had seen her before, just hoping to catch a glimpse of her?
A vain hope to see her for a moment, for he who seeks will never find.
My second year of studying Journalism was about to end, and the summer holidays started. Titie would go back to Haarlem. First, she would take a vacation and then stay with her father and brother for a few weeks.
I decided to remain in Tilburg, I could make good use of the money I gained from working and it was also certain that I would never bump into Daniella if I would go to Haarlem to meet up with Titie once she was back.
Just the idea, of having a whole summer with opportunities to catch glimpses of the girl that is living in my head made me smile non-stop.
Those times when I saw her I felt that there was something, that there was more between us than was visible.
That there was something undeniable, untouchable. If this was what falling in love felt like I wondered how it was possible that mental institutions weren´t filled with lovebirds.
Whatever I felt, it wasn't allowed.
I had someone else and I think she did too, and that made me feel more alone than ever before.
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