Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.
Hit Rewind to start from Chapter One
Chapter 16
Guess even in my twenties I was still a little boy lost. Especially now that over these last couple of week´s Claudia was becoming more and more featured in my everyday life, as Dani´s presence dwindled rapidly.
Things have a flow, or at least that is what it felt like that day when I asked Claudia to come over and have dinner at my place. It was late in the afternoon and I did not have to work in the coffeeshop anymore as I had the early shift. Claudia had been there all day and she made it very clear that she did not feel like going to her room in the shelter already.
We did some shopping together, had a lovely dinner, and well I guess you all can imagine what was for dessert.
She did not compare to Dani in any way. Lying there next to her I kinda knew she was a fling from the start, so why did I do it?
Ego?
Loneliness?
Revenge?
Feeling Betrayed?
Whatever it was I never was a star in seeing the consequences of my actions, something that throughout my life has resurfaced several times.
Not that I would do sociopathic stuff like robbing a bank and shooting people, I was very much aware of the consequences of that type of action.
What I did have trouble with was understanding the emotional impact of my words and even more those of my actions. Why would it mean anything to someone else, if it did not mean anything to me? Emotionally I clearly lacked the ability to empathize.
Believe it or not, that first time that I took Claudia to my place and we had dessert I walked into Daniella. More and more I am starting to believe that there is no such thing as coincidence.
After Claudia and I enjoyed our dessert, we sat around the room naked and smoking.
Till we ran out of marijuana, while we still had an hour or two before she needed to go to the center. I walked to the nearest coffeeshop, not the one I was working at, but the one, two streets away from me.
As it happened it also was the one closest to where Dani was living now. There she was, standing in front of me at the counter, ravishing as ever.
She smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and asked how I was doing. We walked back together and suddenly she looked at me seriously.
"Is there somebody in your house?"
I could not believe this, how did she know?
"It´s that girl that has been hanging around you, isn´t it?"
I was kinda overthrown by this, but I did not feel I did something wrong...well until now. Now I felt a little guilty, especially because she said "Your House", while I always meant it to be our house.
She saw the look in my eyes, "doesn´t matter, but go home she is going through your stuff."
I came home in an empty room. At first, everything seemed fine, but when I looked closer this glass tube I was using to save 5 guilder coins was empty. It must have held over 30 coins. Next to it used to be the carton of cigarettes my mom brought me as a tax-free gift. It was gone and so was Claudia.
Never did I see her again, I heard she went back to the city she came from. Unfortunately, she left an impact and that was not a financial one, although I felt stupid and cheap.
Excuses, I could make up wonderful narratives to whitewash this F.up by saying Dani slept at another guy's house, and even with her ex. That did not stop the realization dawning on me that inviting another woman into what was supposed to be our home and having sex with her there, broke something between me and Dani.
It broke that last string that was holding us together. The triangle between Angle, Cabilah, herself, and me was one thing, but this was something else.
We tried, but it was one bridge that I should never have crossed. A crack that was beyond repair. We still loved each other very much, there was no anger or hatred. We tried to pick up the pieces and keep going, but after weeks of talking and considering our options we moved on as friends.
It was then that she told me not to worry about our marriage, or rather that it was non-existent. That everything was okay and our breaking up would have no legal impact.
Her mom had found out about our wedding ceremony the day I left Nicaragua and put a stop to it. She persuaded the lawyer not to take the document to the instances that it was meant to go.
Not to worry?
I was shocked and not because I paid $50 for that piece of paper.
But this explained a lot. I was quite sure there must have been someone taking care of things in the background already back then when we were in America Latina.
The shock shattered my whole belief in us as a couple. And not only that but why had she never told me this?
She knew how important this was to me. I felt cheated by Claudia, but mostly by Dani, guess instant karma got me and hard.
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