Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.
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Chapter 17
Dani and I were done I thought as I slowly became aware of the fact that not everything can be fixed, although I was still not fully convinced. Part of me, probably my stubborn head was sure that this would just need some time to heal. But deep inside I knew that would not heal in a normal way.
The little one was heartbroken, causing her to come and visit a lot during those first weeks. Even Sei made an appearance and did not scold me or even say a word about me screwing up the relationship(s). It was as if everyone accepted the situation and knew it was time to move on. Although the little one did try to come up with adorable ideas to try to get us back together.
Personally, I had no choice, Dani had been very clear. Hence there was nothing left to do but accept, move on, and move out.
So weird less than a year ago I moved in, planning to make this place our house. Now the house was already sold and the landlord offered me an attic with a little kitchen and an even smaller bathroom.
The timing could not have been better. At least my place to live would improve, unlike my love life. And it allowed me to move away from the place where my big F up happened. A nice fresh start, or so I hoped.
Even though I tried to put all my focus on studying, both in university and the teachings provided by Sei and the chocolate-loving entity, I could not let go of Dani. I worked two jobs, studied two things, and still she was on my mind all of the time.
I kept believing she would come back to me one day because it was meant to be, written in the stars. And she came, but also went and all that happened was that we remained just friends. When it finally dawned on me that we were never ever getting back together, I made a stupid mistake.
These last months by myself provided me with a lot of time to study the old teachings and order that knowledge mentally in such a way I felt equipped to use it. It was not like I had not done any spells ever, but I never really used the teachings.
I felt so lost without Dani, she came by the day before and I was so happy to see her. We had such a great time, but the sparks and fireworks were no longer there.
Lying in bed that night, just hurt so bad and made me realize that things really had changed. Guess those feelings always come at night, when it´s close to midnight and the melancholy kicks in.
That was when the idea arrived. I was such a cocky boy, thinking that I knew enough to change things. That I could just use the teachings to my advantage.
The next evening I made sure I was alone and performed my first ritual, very crude, very basic, and probably not powerful at all. But I bound Dani to me, in 2.5 years from now she should return into my arms.
That was in early 2002 and 2.5 years would give me just enough time to finish my journalism study and follow through on what we had planned. Dani´s mom owned a bar somewhere on the Nicaraguan coast and it needed a manager. So we planned to move to Nicaragua once I was done and I did not want to let go. I could not let go of her and our dream.
Now the ritual involved evoking many powers, and sigils that had probably not been used for a long time. Once it was done and documented I hid the piece of paper with the spell and the markings in a corner of the apartment.
Little did I know that spells, if not executed to perfection have a huge risk of backfiring. You play with powers that you can hardly control, nor correct along the way.
Now it probably does not have anything to do with me playing with magic, but within a couple of weeks, I was homeless. Which was not fully my fault, except for being stupid and greedy.
Okay so it was my bad but it all started one morning when I heard a weird noise coming from the front of the attic while I was still in the bedroom in the back. I took my baseball bat from under the bed and walked in on a guy claiming through the little window.
I brought the bat back ready to break his kneecaps as he had only one leg through the window when he noticed me. "Stop, I am sorry I thought the place was empty."
"Empty, what do you mean? I live here."
The guy was told the house that I had moved into 7 months ago was being demolished, and his job was checking for asbestos. I called the real estate guy and over the phone, he promised me very nice compensation if I moved out.
Stupid little me saw dollar signs and moved the few things I had out. Stored them with a friend, and slept at my temporary girlfriend's place for a couple of days. By the end of the week, I would return the key and get paid. That compensation would be enough to rent a nice new place and keep some change in my pocket.
While I was waiting at the front door that weekend the real estate guy called me, stringing me for a couple of more days.....and I am still waiting to this day.
So there I was out on the streets having two studies, two jobs, and a relationship with a temporary girlfriend that was about to break.
I had really lost everything and was dependent on friends for months. I slept in the weirdest places and with the weirdest people, while still keeping my jobs.
Well, not entirely. I left the coffeeshop for personal reasons and became a DJ in the alternative rock and dance club I hung out every night. Soon I also worked the bar there on the nights I did not occupy the DJ booth.
By the way, again this DJ Job was a long-time dream of mine. That was again orchestrated by Mariella, yes that same little ginger angel that found me the room in the student house after my previous break up.
Guess some people have a bigger influence on your life than they ever realize, and it´s never the same people on whose life you will have had a huge influence. That karma thing never works both ways, but it always gets you.
to cut it short, everything changed, my whole life was upside down.
I got a job in the coolest club ever, met a new girl that definitely had future potential, and at the same time I had a new little trauma. Not having a place to call your own is hard, being dependent and getting asked to leave without having somewhere to go is not something I wish upon anyone.
The problem with finding a new place was not my net income. I just could not find a place that accepted that half of my income was not taxed.
Those homeless days really broke me down. I felt worthless and it took way too much time for me to open my eyes, learn my lessons, let go and rebuild.
It also required me to aim at surviving and that wiped out all my memories of those supernatural and unbelievable experiences.
Of course, I still had an affinity with my teachings and the world beyond the veil, but my focus had to shift. So all those memories had to be stored on my natural hard drive, and now I wonder how many got overwritten over the years.
It took over six months to get back on my feet, find myself a new home, a new attic, catch my breath, and start again.
I still had my jobs and was doing pretty well. I still had a study, but was doing a little less well there. And I had her, the one that got away.
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