Now there is a big fear inside me, it started recently. Now it have evolved to into something that could affect me seriously. It’s not a big situation, In my life there are places where I am extremely confident and also there are places where I am less confident. One can’t be confident every time, I am talking about the normal guys like me. There’s ups and downs in confidence, according to the situation which I am dealing with.
So knowing these facts don’t make me much sad at the times when I lose those confidence. But recently I started losing confidence at the places where I was very good at it. Maybe staying home for long had made me vulnerable, I kind of lost that way of talking to people. I kind of feel very less confident about me. I’m becoming empty in a conversation. I also can’t listen to people, I don’t understand what they are saying and my mind starts to fly around other thoughts. Nowadays I don’t even know how to concentrate when people talk.
Maybe there are lot of other things going inside my mind, which I’m not trying to look at, which I don’t want to look at. Maybe it could have caused these problems. I really don’t know. The relationships ship between people are getting a kind of different. Kind of lost that ability to dealing with people.
I’m very anxious about very little things these days, kind of created a reason for small things, which I found out after thinking a lot. And finally I started taking actions on these kind of situations. Which ended up very being a really bad decision later. Now all of these things directed me into the state of inactivity. The state where I don’t take much actions.
But in real what I need is the power to think realistically in these kind of situations. But I kind of realizes it only after I have done something stupid. And these affects me in a very different manner all these situations. So that lead me finally realizing the best way is the inactivity. The inactivity that leads to certain kind of other problems.
There was a time I could easily deal with these anxieties, but now things are slightly different. Kind of lost that patience I had, maybe all these are the start to some other change. I don’t think it’s an evolution towards the good. But things are changing, so I have to kind of direct it towards something good.
My mind kind of become addicted to my imaginary thoughts and the world I kind of created inside it. So the reality started getting boring and I kind of lost the ability to walk through reality. The reality seems kind of disoriented and kind of not interesting at all.