Fell Dragon
Greetings Readers
I hope the week has been a mellow start for all of you. I am hopefully done with the herbal book I spent the better part of three weeks working on. Now it's back to survival again. I'm looking forward to this project, as the client has patiently been waiting for nearly 2 months for me to get started.
Anyway, onto the next chapter of Fell Dragon. Let's see how Saita is managing her new "responsibility".
A nurse came to set Saita’s bed at an angle so that she may converse more with the strange boy who sat on her bed. She didn’t know what to say to him and he wouldn’t look her in the eye. Saita raised her left arm, and she placed it on the boy’s head. He slowly looked up at her, there were tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry I don’t remember,” she said softly. “You said you’re three?”
“Last June, yes.” the boy looked down.
“Are you mine?” She eventually asked as she clenched her teeth. “My son?”
The boy started to play with his fingers. “We share blood, yes.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Said Saita softly.
“I was.” He said softly.
Saita took as deep a breath as possible before sighing heavily. “Clearly your time with me was better than mine with you. All I remember is pain and fear.”
The boy gripped her hand trying to hide his tears. His eyes were so blue, and she hated to see his tears. She sighed and said, “I did find peace, once.”
She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him towards him. She hugged him, for no other reason than just to make him feel better. He looked up at her with half a grin and those eyes twinkled.
“It’s okay.” He said softly. “You don’t have to…”
“Just shush.”
Even though her chest ached she hugged him hard to her. Saita closed her eyes and fought back the tears she had. Not because she felt something for him but because there was nothing.
Saita healed within six weeks, much to Jarah's and other doctors’ surprise. She had taken this time to get to know the boy. He was smart, had a quick wit, and kept hoping for her to realise who he was to her but there were no memories. However, the only memories that she had were his eyes in her nightmares. She would always wake because those eyes were staring at her.
It wasn’t that she hated the boy, it was just what he represented and who had made him. She remembered what she had heard from the future. That Aidan had been a product of a forced union but this one, what was he?
Once she wasn’t in as much pain as when she woke, she asked for a data tablet to contact Jarah so that she could speak with him about the new development in her life. However, before she could open her mouth he simply said. “He isn’t a construct like you.”
The sigh of relief caused her to cough a bit before she asked the next question. “Then how?”
“I can only assume eggs were harvested and fertilized then implanted in a willing host because I have seen no sign of a pregnancy on any of your scans.”
“And the father?” She dreaded the question as soon as it left her mouth, so she answered it herself. “It’s Astec, isn’t it?”
“Genetically it would seem so but…” Jarah seemed to struggle with himself before saying. “A lot of things that were done to you seem to have had an influence on his genetic makeup.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’s likely genetically able to host what you already have inside of you,” he said softly. “Saita I...I think he was a backup in case you died during the procedures. He was likely being made in a test tube as you underwent your first implant.”
Saita had already thought of this possibility but hearing it from Jarah made it so much more horrific.
“What am I going to do?” she hissed.
“Well, what do you want to do?” Jarah set his data tablet down and started typing on his computer.
“I don’t…”
“You can come back, do as your father wants, and your son will be a protected Prince.”
“Or?”
“Stay where you are, and hide his existence and pray that Edzeeker doesn’t get either of you again.”
“But which one is the right choice?”
“There are right choices, and then there are choices. It is not up to me to decide which one is the right one for you.”
“I don’t feel anything for him Jarah. Nothing, there was no instant connection that he had hoped for and I...I’m terrified.”
“Of what?”
“That I’m already failing at something.”
Jarah laughed and gave the data tablet a half grin. “All parents think that, Saita.”
“What if I mess this up?”
“What if you don’t?”
“Why can’t I feel anything for him? Is that something that was taken from me?”
Jarah sighed and took up the data tablet with another sigh. “You really should be talking to your mother about this, not me.”
“She just called him my responsibility and left once she was sure I wasn’t going to die.”
Jarah heard the bitterness in her voice, and it saddened him. “Your mother is a Queen, Saita, you know there are things that she needs to do. She at least came to see you.”
“Fair enough.”
“As for your bonding problem. Oxytocin.”
“Isn’t that a hormone?”
“It is, I’m glad to see you still remember some of your schooling. It’s a bonding hormone that is present through most of the pregnancy and causes mothers to bond with newborns.”
“Does that mean I lost any chance of connecting with the boy?”
“If you want to bond with him, you should probably start by not calling him boy but rather Aidan. That is the name you chose for him, right?”
“It’s the only thing I remember. Fire red hair and ice blue eyes. Aidan fits as a name.”
“Look Saita, something very precious was stolen from you. The choice to have a child for one. The choice of the father is another. Sensing that life, seeing the heartbeat, feeling the first kicks. All of that was taken from you, but it doesn’t have to be what defines your relationship with your son. Genetically he is of your blood, as to whether you want him to be your son is something completely different. So, to answer your question, no, you haven’t lost a chance to bond with him, it’s just become a decision for you now.” Jarah then smiled. “Now stop talking to me and get some rest. You may have fooled those idiot doctors where you are into thinking that you are healed, but I can see you are pale. Are you doing your lung exercises? Tell your physician to send your latest results so that I can see to it that you push yourself within reasonable limits. Okay?”
“Yeah okay.”
“I do have one question of you, Saita, now that we are on this line of discussion.” Jarah set the data pad down again. “Have you noticed anything strange with yourself?”
“I don’t need to sleep or eat for several days but when I do get round to sleeping, I have nightmares, constantly. If I do eat it rarely tastes good. Like ash and dry.”
“So, you are still avoiding eating and sleeping? What else?”
“What else is there?”
“Other bodily functions girl.” sighed the doctor as he typed at his computer once more. “I can’t help you if I don’t know when something is wrong. Is there food making you vomit? Do you suddenly get a fever when you do something? Is there something you used to have that is now missing?”
“Missing?” Saita blushed a little and mumbled. “Yeah, there is something that is missing. I’ve been back about, what? Three months now? Closer to four?”
“About four months now, what would you bring that up?” He sipped at a cup that was close by.
“I haven’t had a period since I came back.”
Jarah snorted whatever liquid had been in the cup. Saita chuckled at him as he started to type furiously at his computer. “I’m not pregnant. I’m sure that would have been picked up in the various blood tests you ran when I came back.”
“That is something that may return later, or there may be another problem.” Muttered Jarah as he continued typing. “I will check the notes that were found to see if there is anything mentioned about this. I wouldn’t be too concerned right now. Your body went through hell, and it will need time to heal.”
“And since I already have a blood relative it isn’t that important.”
Jarah fixed her with a withering look before he grinned and said something that actually made Saita smile for the first time in a while. “You have a blood relative now Saita. You actually have a family member.”
Saita grinned. “Not just family but my blood. He is of my blood.”
“There’s that smile, Sweetie. Everything takes time. Bonding with Aidan is the tip of your problems. To be able to deal with his existence you need to manage what was done to you. Do you get any sleep without nightmares?”
“No, even Beatrice’s songs only work so well. Lately, they are diminishing in power.” Saita couldn’t stop the tears that came to her eyes. “I am literally too scared to close my eyes to sleep. Fearing what I will see in the dark.”
She held a fist to her chest. “Pain, fear, and illness. It’s all I remember. The only reason I know that it has been four years is that everyone tells me so, but I don’t remember the passing of time or anything linear. I remember being taken, I remember my chest splayed open, and I remember Aidan’s eyes. That is it.”
“I’m going to say something,” said Jarah softly as he finally drew his full attention to the data tablet. “And you are not going to like it, but I want you to listen.”
“Hmm?”
“You went through trauma. You saw your father killed, you witnessed a post-apocalyptic world, and when you came back you made the decision to stop a possible outcome by giving up. Now, I want you to realise I am not chastising you for your decision. It was likely the only thing at the time you could have done to have prevented more deaths from happening. We will never know. Then for four years, your body went through hell, and you came back to us. Thank GOD! But Saita there was a trauma that you have not dealt with. Until you deal with that, the nightmares are going to continue.”
“How can I deal with something I have no memory of?” She demanded harshly.
“Speak to someone.”
“I’m talking to you.”
“I am not qualified to help you with this Princess.” He said softly as he turned back to his computer.
“There is no time to deal with these issues now.” Saita sighed. “I have other fish to fry.”
“Saita,” Jarah stopped typing but didn’t look at her. “There will always be other fish to fry, and cats to skin, and chores to do, and a whole myriad of similar sayings I can use for this, but at one point you are going to stop and then everything is going to come crashing down around your ears. Then you will be of no help to anyone.”
“Then I will just have to keep moving forward and not look back.”
She heard Jarah sigh and mutter what she thought sounded like. “Not what I was trying to get to.”
Then he said louder. “Take the time to heal Saita. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. A crack in the one will lead the other two to crumble. I need to go for now. Tell your doctors to contact me when they get a chance.”
Sensing that the conversation was now over, Saita nodded her head and closed the communication. She sighed heavily before putting the data tablet down and leaning against the pillows that kept her in a seated position.
“I wish you would stop eavesdropping on me.” She said to the person hiding just outside of the room. “Come here.”
“How…?” Aidan came into the room, looking down at his shoes instead of at her.
“Your sneakers squeaked against the floor. Learn to lift your feet, or you will trip. Did you listen to everything?”
“Saita...I…”
Hearing the boy call her by her first name caused a stab of pain in her chest that she thought she had healed from.
“You don’t have to call me that.” She said softly as she beckoned to him to come closer.
Though mostly healed the doctors were still keeping an eye on her right lung which was yet to expand fully.
“What else is there?” Said the boy bitterly. “You are not my aunt. You are my mother! Edzeeker said so.”
Saita recognised the bitterness in his voice as her own and she knew what deep, black hole she was in. No three-year-old needed that, not so early in his life.
“Aidan, by blood I am your mother but the connection that makes me your mother isn’t there.”
“But Edzeeker said…”
“No more about Edzeeker, please, can we just talk without you bringing him up.” She begged. “Come here, please.”
Holding one arm and nervously stepping forward the boy came to stand next to the bed. Saita offered him her left arm to hold onto, which he did, and she pulled him up to sit on her lap. Again, those eyes were swimming with tears.
“Give me time.” She said as she tried to control all her own fears and emotions. “You came as a shock to me, and I need time to adjust.”
“But…” He hurriedly wiped at his eyes.
“But?”
He opened his arms and sat there, not looking at her.
“You really are an emotional child.” She half laughed as she hugged him to her chest. “There then. Is that what you need?”
“I just want my mom back.” He sniffled.
“And I wish that one day I could be the woman who you need me to be.” She whispered.
And that's that. Not much else she can do, but accept Aidan as hers. What will she do with her future though? Who knows, guess you'll have to read more later in the week.
For those of you just joining us, please note that this is the follow on book from Fell Dragon. Follow this link to read it
Fell Dragon Book 1
As the series continues, it will combine with another book series I wrote. To avoid confusion about what is happening, introductory chapters will be introduced separately so that you don't have to be lost. However, these chapters will contain spoilers. You can find these chapters here:
Races Explained
Banishment
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Haven't read the other parts yet? Follow these handy links:
Part 20>>You are Here>>Part 22 (Friday)