It never ceases to annoy me that People define success by a job. Or your car. Or your holiday destination. Who - apart from the mysterious they (who have so much to say) - ever got to be an authority deciding that a person's happiness is limited to, and defined by, their career? How does our manner of making an income epitomize who we are? How we think? Feel? Believe? Live? How do we not allow the box the world creates for us to contain and define us?
Throughout my life I was always treated like the black sheep of the family. It never bothered me. It probably defined me. I like being different. Actually - I love being different. I love not fitting the mold. I have always questioned everything. And I have never gone along with the crowd. Truth defines me. And when really pondering on what matters; Are you who you want to be? What has driven you? My mind has been rolling through milestones and memories of my life like a scurry through a maze. It quickly finds home - unlike my real scurry through an English maze many many years ago.
Am I who I want to be? While I certainly am not what I ever imagined I would be......I love being exactly who I was created to be. I love all that defines me. Has the journey thus far been easy? By no means. Like most of us it has been filled with heartbreak, danger, bad choices (and the consequences thereof). Ultimately it is more than I could ever have dreamed possible. And at the centre; my Home and true North.
Growing up I wanted to be a photographic journalist. Of course, I didn't want to report on just anything. I wanted to be on the frontlines of the action! Part of my reasoning was probably influenced by the fact that I thought I'd begin my adult life in the armed forces. Airforce or navy. It didn't really matter. The rest of my life, so my child logic went, I would be a famous photographic journalist. I read a lot. I had - I have - a vivid imagination. Forget ordinary! Normal. Mundane - is not me. As a child I was already convinced that a career would not define me. It was something I would do because I loved it. Writing. Art. Photography. Truth - telling the truth of the situation; exactly as it is, through word and picture. What I really wanted to be was a wife and mother. A mother of a lot of children. I had decided on 10 children. It was mapped out in my child's mind and was simply a matter of growing up .... and .... then .... IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!
But it didn't. At least not as I imagined. Or when I imagined. Divorce was part of my childhood. My parents and many around me. My brother and I rattled back and forth between parents. Between cities. Between homes. Between schools. It must've unsettled me but it also prepared me for change and for loss. Once I left school and home I began my international travels. Fleeing home, back then, was more of a necessity than realizing the dream of becoming a journalist. I lived and worked in many countries. I sampled culture and cuisine. And I loved it! Like every mouthful of a delightful meal, each day, each adventure, each bittersweet experience grew my world view and understanding. Both of reality and myself. I eventually married much later in life than I had expected. He was perfect for me. But he could not have children and early in our marriage cancer took him from me. My dreams were shattered. My hope was not.
As is my nature I did not linger long in one place, physically or mentally. To help cope with my broken heart and sense of abandonment I moved - from one end of the country to the other. It involved closing my health restaurant and moving to a part of the country that I had never been. It was as far from society as possible. It was also as different to the life I had lived thus far. I found the perfect country home. Like Kintsukuroi pottery I took a couple years to not feel irrepairably shattered. I grew my herb garden, hiked the semi desert mountains and painted.
Then it happened!! In an incredible whirlwind of unlikely events that could only be orchestrated by the Heavenly Hand a match was made in Heaven. For both of us it was a new beginning that we never expected. We are as similar as the proverbial peas in a pod. He is more perfect for me than I could've ever imagined for myself. After all not even I could've chosen to give myself a goat as a wedding gift! Many of you know; I am slightly goatie obsessed..... Although FarmerBuckaroo often teases that my goats get more attention than he does, it feels like I truly am the rib taken from his side. After a decade my Hubby still sweeps me off my feet. As far from young parents our little ones are truly the cherry on the top! He is my greatest earthly blessing and thanks to my Husband, I am finally who I am destined to be and where I am destined to be! HalleluYah!!
So thank you to @ladiesofhive for the thought provoking questions and @farm-mom for the invite. It was hard choosing another lovely lady to invite. There are so many here and I would love to read the questions answered by @crosheille and @dswigle. But, considering your own bittersweet journey @goldenoakfarm how would you answer one of the questions:
- Are you who you want to be?
- How have you improved as a result of experience over the years?
I guess I've answered all of them? While I may write often about my beautiful goats my passion is my Buckaroo Family. They motivate and inspire me. All thanks and praise to my Father for the life He has blessed me with. All glory to Him Who leads me through the valley of the shadow of death to dance on the high mountains.
