Am torn and mended,
Want everything, need nothing;
Love you but content without you...
Even so, come quickly!
― Sarah Perry
Angelica
I often thought the worst curse that could befall someone would be to live in interesting times, so I wasn't exactly thrilled to be coping with a world-wide emergency.
The return of the Lord that many christians prayed for just filled me with fear and trepidation. I preferred the view of the ancient Greeks that the Golden Age was behind rather than ahead of us and as for going to heaven, well, that was another world and I'm no Captain Kirk wanting a voyage into the unknown.
Regardless, I believed this present tribulation was not the Second Coming but a deception spawned by the Cabal using religion as a cover.
Maybe that was was wishful thinking but it would allow me to live out my life according to my own inclinations with nothing heroic demanded of me―and that was fine with me.
I just wanted to get back to normal and was actually longing for the safety and predictability of my former, boring routine.
Yup, no hero here.
And it was in this state of mind that Angelica and I were sitting by the fire later that night after Brooke had retired early. We were staring at the flames as if mesmerized, each lost in our own separate dream.
It was ironic in a sense―ever since our brief encounter in Spain, Angelica had haunted my dreams and yet it was Brooke who attracted me. Why was that?
Suddenly, Angelica broke the silence. "I sense a barrier between us, Zach. We were closer when I was thousands of miles away and I could easily enter your dreams. Do you feel it too?"
I nodded. "I'm not sure what it is but you're right―we seem emotionally estranged."
Angelica stared deeply into my eyes as if peering into my psyche.
"You know what I think? I think you have an aversion to the spiritual and since learning I'm clairvoyant, you're keeping your distance."
"Really? " I frowned, "Then why are you in my dreams?"
"That's easy, " she smiled. "I'm your soul mate but maybe Brooke is your life mate."
"I wasn't talking about Brooke," I parried.
She shrugged, "I know, but she's the unspoken part of every conversation. There's no rift between Brooke and me but the problem is in you―you're conflicted."
There was no point in debating her. Clearly, I was struggling with integrating the spiritual and physical aspects of my personality.
”So assuming you’re right, how do I resolve this?”
“I can’t tell you how to feel, Zach—I can only tell you I’ve always been drawn to you. Ever since that night in Spain, I try to sleep but can’t until I visit with you. I know it scares you, but we share the same dreams. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
I found myself leaning across and kissing her—it wasn’t planned—it just happened. The moment she was in my arms, we were back on that beach, our skin glistening from the phosphorescent sea.
At that moment, Brooke came downstairs, saw us and was frozen. I saw the surprise and sadness in her eyes and knew she was wounded.
“I—I’m sorry," she stammered. “I didn’t mean to intrude—I thought you were alone, Zach.”
She turned and scurried back upstairs, tears streaming down her face.
It was a gut-punch for me—I felt nauseous and helpless all at once. I needed to go to her and make it right.
“I’m sorry, Zach,” Angelica whispered, “you need to speak to her. I understand.”
I was at a crossroad in my life that left me numb and unmoving. Angelica was in my arms and Brooke was in her room weeping.
But I was where I had always been, caught between two strong forces—the inward music of dreams and the pull of my flesh opposing.
Couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t make a decision…
This wasn’t sleep paralysis but a suspension of normal laws of attraction and repulsion, where spirits can be contacted and paranormal events become natural.