This is the part 2 of our Journey from South Africa to France, that was 2 years in the making. You can find part 1 HERE
The Departure!
It was the first time in an airport for the kids, and my wife never left South Africa before. It was a difficult commitment to make and I am forever thankful that they accepted to follow me 14000 km away from their place of birth, from the motherland.
We always knew that life would be drastically better moving to France, and I am happy that we got the necessary funds to be able to make the move. In all honesty, it's also thanks to some of you that we were able to make this move, my family also decided to help us, and I will be forever grateful.
It was a tad emasculating not to be able to realise that project on my own, but sometimes you have to leave your ego aside to make things happen.
My son was probably the one that could contain himself the least, we are no used to be around too many people, and the excitement of being on a plane just overtook us from the moment we sat foot in the boarding room. I can't blame him, I tried to show the example by being as relaxed as I could, I smoked as much weed as it's humanly possible, as I knew that the green is scarce oversee. I might even have chewed on some bud, just for safety measure. There is nothing like the feeling of lifting off the ground for the first time, and the kids were just too cute about it, their dad was also high as a kite 🙂.
While they chewed on some gums and ate a copious amount of sweets, the parents were drinking rum and coke, making sure our new born baby was not bothering too much our flight neighbours, though I don't think they cared much.
Neo discovering the joy of flight entertainment
Aimée realised that you can also play games on this plane???!!!
My wife pondering on the fact that there is no turning back.
"Are we arrived yet?"
After the first flight to Paris, we had to take a second plane in the early morning of October, the weather was still kind to us and the sun shining bright in the sky. Neo and Aimée lost their minds when they realised that they could play PlayStation 5 while waiting to board on the plane, and threw the biggest tantrum in front of amused travellers, and not so amused parents. We tried to keep our sh*t together as much as we could, but in all fairness I would have probably thrown a tantrum in their situation, the fatigue overtook us from the minute the plane lifted off the ground, and we slept all the way through the second flight.
Toulouse (outskirt)
We always knew that settling in France will have to be made in several steps. The first one was to live in an Airbnb for a while, until we can find a more suitable place to live. We rented 2 rooms that the owner had the audacity to call a bed and breakfast, I decided not to give him a bad review on Airbnb, but the brother was awful, forbid us to use the oven and kitchen appliances, we couldn't wash our clothes, we couldn't sit in his living room and had to spend our days in the 2 bedrooms we rented.
Fortunately, coming from Africa it wasn't too hard for us to adapt, we showed resilience in the past, and an a**hole won't discourage us from staying positive. I took the habit of waking up at 5 am in South Africa, and the owner did not enjoy me doing burpees that early in the morning, and threaten to kick me out as I was apparently making too much noise. We are not off a good start, and decide to shorten our stay in order to find our own place.
My brother came to visit and brought gifts to the kids
Centre of Toulouse
Lucky for us, we met Pierre through Airbnb, a laid back long hair biker and dog owner, that offered us to stay as long as we wanted, in the centre of Toulouse, in a 24m2 duplex. It was quite small, but that would be our own, and that all it mattered at the time. In all honesty, nothing could be worse than the month we went through with the previous owner not giving a F**k about our well being and our privacy.
It was on the 4th floor of an ancient building, with no lift, and paper thin walls but allowed us to put the kids to school while enjoying the central life of the city.
Right along the Canal du Midi, we could see the boats passing by when taking the kids to school in the morning, and discovering the French life, while having the independence and autonomy to go wherever we want to. We still did not have a car, which limited our mobility, but we were one step forward toward independence.
The Family
When I left France for South Africa, I did not know how long it will take before I will see my family again. It took approximately 7 years before we saw each other again, we all changed a lot during those years, my family came to visit us in Toulouse to meet my own family for the first time. It was a very emotional moment, and I was very thankful that they did the trip.
We quickly all recognized that time flies and that we need to see each other more often, we also discover each other's personalities as we realized that a lot of things changed in 10 years (I left in 2009), I was a boy last time they saw me, I took this opportunity to meet my sister's daughter, and have quality time with my brother and sister.
My kids hanging with their cousin Lyla on their very first ever merry-go-round.
My brother and my daughter Mischa
Love
I've never been an oversharing person. It's even safe to say that I have been pretty self-centred in the past and it took me years of hardship, and having my own children to make me realize how important these moments that we share with our family are, life is relatively short, we disappear from one day to the next, especially nowadays in the midst of a pandemic, that's why I made a commitment to share more with the ones I love, even if it means sharing my weaknesses, which is something that I am battling with constantly.
Have I been respecting this engagement ever since this picture has been taken?
In some parts, yes I did. I have been speaking to my mother daily, through videocall, even days when I am not at my best. When I was in South Africa, I rarely spoke to them, for the simple fact that it was painful not to know when we will see each other again, as we say in French "loin des yeux loin du coeur" which translate into "out of sight out of mind", though the literal translation should be "out of heart".
It is so hard to process the fact that in some ways I lost 10 years of my life without them, that's why it's even more important to catch up. Now, my wife is going through what I went through, by trying to keep in touch with her family in Africa, not knowing when will be the next time she will see them. It's really tough, especially knowing how close she was to her sisters/brother and parents.
I might sound chauvinistic, I think it's probably easier for a man to be separated from the ones you love than for a woman, it might be engraved in our history and culture, the man was leaving to hunt, to war, to explore and sometimes did not come back. The woman was building the social construct of our society, making sure the kingdom doesn't turn into flame. I hate to make this sort of general statement, and I hope I don't upset some of you, I might edit that paragraph later on.
It's all worth it
She is all worth it. Sometimes I tend to forget my life before I met her, before we fell in love. I was destined for self destruction, and she revealed my best qualities while fixing my worst habits.
Things don't happen by accident, she is the tangible proof that there is a meaning to life, and all the songs that I've been writing in the recent years have been about her.
I've also become the corniest motherf***er and I have absolutely no problem with it, I guess it's one of the side effect of meeting your soul mate.
Anyway, love, we tend to take it for granted once it's here, and we tend to forget how shitty most humans are out there.
But come to think of it, I understand why I don't get upvotes on hive, I understand why I don't get likes on Instagram, it's just because my life is f****ing awesome. Maybe I am not rich(for now); but I have something that people spend their lifetime looking for, and sometimes with no success.
It took me a trip 14000km away from home to find solace and happiness, and I am so grateful for it.
SWAG!!!
How we started homeschooling our kids
Some fool said: "Never let a good crisis go to waste". That fool was right; in the beginning of 2020, we got our a**es pinned with lockdown, like many of you.
We were already halfway through the school year, and while the kids finished their year at home, we learnt a lot about ourselves. We were certainly better teachers than the one teaching our kids at school.
To be fair, we just wanted our children to socialise, that was the only reason for us to put them into the system.
The other reason is that you cannot benefit from government aid if you don't get your kids in school, so it was pretty clear for us that as soon as we arrived in Toulouse, they should begin their journey through the french school system.
Oh boy! We were so wrong, putting them to school was a big mistake.
My son Neo is such a free spirited kid, I love his curiosity and his energy, but the French teachers did not enjoy him one bit.
After only a few weeks, we had to meet the school psychologist every month as he was categorized as "problematic child", as they could not break his spirit of dissidence.
I am personally very proud of this quality, I have the same trait, and he will survive through apocalypse thanks to that spirit.
His mates at school hated him also, he was bullied, beaten up in the toilets, pushed in the stairs, with no way for him to defend himself or explained what happened as he does not speak French.
He came back from school bruised and bleeding many times, the school director trying to minimize the gravity of the situation explaining that "these things happen often for new kids", making sure we won't "make waves" of the incidents.
We kept on braving through the year, trying to make him fit in a box that clearly doesn't fit for his great soul, and it triggered the entire school. FUCK THEM (this one won't be censored).
The pandemic was a clear opportunity for us to take him out of the system that made him suffer so much, while still benefiting from the quality French education, that is undeniable. It worked like a charm.
He did not have to see all these fools anymore trying to break him or bully him, and we could ensure that he could catch up the delay he took from being at school.
That is the absurdity of the situation. Neo knew how to read and count when he was 5 years old. Thanks to the French education system, he regressed and could not read anymore, felt completely discouraged, like something was wrong with him. He would spend most of his day at school in the back of the class, or in a different room, not even following the program, even with a social assistant spending half days with him, I often wondered if the assistant is just here to cover up their tracks, their own mistakes.
It was all our fault, we knew exactly that he wasn't the problem, the system was, but we kept on pushing, kept on trying to make him an obedient sheeple, a conformed follower.
Once the year was over, we promised ourselves not to ever make the same mistake twice, and this year was pure bliss, homeschooling them in our homestead (to be continued in part 3) was one of the best decision we have ever made, I am a slow learner, but you won't fool me again Charlemagne!
Ever since, we learnt that our daughter Aimée was also being bullied at school, she has the same type of personality than my son, maybe a bit more bubbly so we did not see the signs, nor the cries for help.
What the f***k is wrong with schools nowadays? If someone can answer the question in the comments, give me a shout.
LOCKDOWN
This is what we saw from our windows everyday while the country and its economy slowly but surely died out.
It was probably the most difficult part of the journey, being trapped in a 24m2 flat with 3 children, not being able to come out, having to sign a paper for groceries, being controlled everywhere you go, it drove us nuts.
We survived, and we made sure that once the second lockdown (we were very aware of the cycles of lockdown coming ahead) would come, we would be far far far far away from this madness.
We took advantage of the lockdown to save as much money as we could, I found an online remote job, and we bought a car, that was our ticket to freedom.
I did not bring my family far away from the motherland to end up trapped in a box, looking at sheeples applauding at their windows every day at 20:00.
One day, we heard shot fired from one of these balconies you see. Apparently two dogs attacked their owner on their balcony, and the man took a shotgun and killed both dogs. People stopped applauding, for a day at least, and then everyone forgot about the dead dogs as if it never happened.
People Queueing up at the supermarket during pandemic
Showing my first car to the kids
Path to Freedom
I hate cars. I have lost too many good souls, too many good friends behind the wheel, and always swore never to drive, as it resonated with death. My wife made sure that I passed my driver's license in South Africa, which was already a small miracle in itself as I was a very reluctant learner at first.
She was right to do so, as we would have never been able to move to the country side without a car. I bought a Peugeot 307 HDI SW, an old model , and I call her "Titine".
If a dude like me who is scared of driving can start driving, anything is possible in life. I am very thankful that she forced me to do so, it really changed our lives. Once again my wife was right (as usual).
I love driving now 😂, and got few fines because of that.
Exploring
The first thing we did when we got the car, was to explore the surrounding of Toulouse. The lakes, the green, the grass. Can you believe that my kids never set foot in the water before that?
I am a little bit ashamed of it, though it's obvious that we did not have the resources to make it happen before that, so there's noone to blame. Next project will be to go to the seaside when the next summer come, in the meantime we visited beautiful lakes, we tried to catch crayfish, we taned, built sandcastles, all these things that sound very normal to you, were just novelty for my kids, my wife, and an old faded memory for me.
Now, it all seems like a dream, as we have moved to the countryside, far away from the madness, far away from the mass psychosis, the mass hypnosis, everyone seems to be under a spell in the city.
Very shortly after this picture was taken, my wife Lee found a home owner (certainly not through a French agency as we weren't elligible for a house) that for a reason that I still don't understand loved our story, and decided to let us stay in their house in the Gers, with the possibility of buying it in the future, a blessing from guardian angels.
This is now our home and we are here to stay
From time to time we go back to Toulouse, just to get a reminder of what we could have become if we would have stay longer with the cattle.