Something that has been weighing on my mind recently is our nervous programming, and the things we're consciously doing (as well as the things we're not). A couple of months ago, I was riding an electric scooter home one night, when I got in a sort of accident.
Long story short, I didn't get off the scooter while crossing the street, a car turned the corner, and caused me to panic. I wasn't sure whether the driver would stop, so I wasn't sure what I should do, in turn. Part of me wanted to stop, part of me tried to go forward when the car stopped, and since I was going pretty fast, I fell off, spraining my ankle. Obviously, a huge relief considering that I fell mere inches from the car's front.
I managed to get up on my own, and after an initial scare, I found my wound was quite tame, all things considered, in spite of the bruising, and swelling.
Fast-forward a couple of months later to today, and I'm constantly amazed by the memory contained in my left ankle. I'm quite well now. I walk a fair bit, and I work out almost daily. I try not to run, or jump, and avoid any type of heel, but it's going pretty well, I think.
The only trouble is, my ankle's got a serious case of PTSD. Give you an example, someone mentioned bicycles in my marketing class today, and immediately I got this unpleasant jolt through my leg. Like uh-huh, bitch.
The same happens when I'm working out, and the instructor encourages us to use ankle weights, if possible. Obviously, I wouldn't put that kind of pressure on my ankle in the first place, but more to it, my ankle is actively repulsed by the mere thought.
I don't even have to maybe consider it. It's enough for me to hear it mentioned, and poof, my ankle goes up in flames.
Same goes when I think about running (which I used to do) for exercise, or wearing high (or even moderate) heels. Shopping for shoes is a pain, since my ankle's grossed out by 90% of the ones I see, even if they might not actually be as bad as I imagine.
And I wonder, why is this happening, and what is it called? I don't even know the words to look it up, and understand why my body is reacting in this way, although I suspect the effect is more psychological, than actually physical. While my ankle is still weak, it's not so weak to be bothered by a small heel, I would imagine, or by a cycling movement.
I think my brain's reacting to the idea of motion (in the case of bicycles) or pressure on my ankle, as a potential trigger. I think there's still a strong current of fear going on subconsciously, somewhere. For instance, I automatically feel safer and more comfortable when wearing an ankle support than when I'm not, even if I wouldn't actively suffer if I didn't wear it. So I'm guessing these jolts spring from a psychological side, rather than an actual pain and damage side.
So coming back to what I was saying earlier, does my ankle have PTSD, or do I?*
*As my followers will know, I'm using this for dramatic flow. I'm not a big fan of the overly easy self-diagnosing going on in our present world, where everyone suffers from one mental issue or another.