Many people nowadays would easily point out what’s toxic and what’s worth keeping. Many would convince couples to just split up because they will eventually find better halves. While there are a few who still endure the pain for the love worth keeping.
But where do we draw the line between what’s worth fighting for and what’s already toxic? When do we know whether to give up or still give it a try? And how do we manage both the pain and love all at once?
I have been asked with these same questions over and over again. But I never really had the decent answer so far. So here’s me, not a love guru, but I will try telling you what’s on my mind.
I’ve been in a toxic relationship before, and I became the toxic partner as well. And since it takes one to know one, I might be able to help clear some vague mixed signals in your relationships. Well, I’m not an expert nor I claim to be such but if you feel like wanting to know my opinion about the matter, then I am willing to share to you some personal insights about what I learned in the past.
Is it still worth fighting?
People who have been in an abusive relationship know the real face of toxicity. But surprisingly many are still unsure and thus they always shrug this off. Well, toxicity is when something or someone is no longer good for your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical health. Sometimes, they call someone toxic if he/she shows doubt, fear, extreme emotions, instability and jealousy. But if you are to ask me, these are not the real deal of what’s toxic really is. The person or situation causing someone to react in the manners I have previously stated is the real toxic. You see, people always point out your reaction but they never want to discuss the cause. That’s toxic! You are the first person who experiences the negative effect of not being able to sleep and eat well because overthinking had consumed your mind. Going back to the definition of toxicity, something or someone who’s no longer good for your health, then you are just another victim and not the toxic one.
Truth be told, everyone of us is toxic but we do not share the same intensity. So do not look for signs of toxicity because you will really find it. But instead, weigh things and situations between you and your partner. Does fighting seems extremely exhausting or does it end up with a resolution? You need to know if the level of toxicity is bearable or not. And the only way to measure it, is you and your partner’s willingness to endure everything for growth. Because if you are not to become better individuals, then you are just accumulating memories to rant about while holding a bottle of half-emptied beer sooner or later.
I personally would rather want to endure the pain now than fall to the pit of regrets later. These things, love advice, are only easier said than done. These can only seem be helpful if you’re ready to accept things as they are. But let’s face it, most of us just don’t need someone’s advice. These will only make sense after we gave our all. If everything from cloud 9 falls, that’s when you realize you were already told many times by many people.
So, please know that I understand. And the only sensible advice I could probably give to you that you’ll 99% do, is to love even if it hurts. At the end of the day, you know that you did your part. You loved them with all your heart. There should be no regrets and so you just have to carry the lessons you have learned for the next person you’ll love.
If your married, then I still have the same opinion. Love even if it hurts. Love until there’s nothing left. And give up when you must. Because even the right person gets tired. And actually, that’s for another blog. Thank you for reading. I hope you learned something from me and see you on my next update.
This has been @nikkabomb leaving you a message, “ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13”
Nikka Ganzan Paraguya Mededa, the author
I was destined to be a successful civil engineer but my heart belongs to literature. And if I have learnt something from the past years of struggles, it is maybe this - "Sometimes a leap of faith is what you need in order to find happiness. Because if you are not to become a happy person, then what's the purpose of life then?".
I tried working in an industry with the use of my maximum skills in my chosen field and I was earning big (bigger than what I expected), yet I was not happy. In between those times, I found deeper and stronger interest in my first and second love - writing and photography.
And so here I am, in my little corner in the blockchain. I hope you had a good read and check out more here ---> @nikkabomb. Lovelots.