I know what you're thinking.
Judging from the title, you might be feeling that this post is going to be a miserable write up on grief and an emotional narrative authored by a sadboi using this platform to vent out all his feelings because he is incapable of vulnerability in a social setting and shuts down every time he feels his emotions bubbling up.
Maybe you're right but what if you're wrong. The best way to know is to finish reading. You know what they say, "Life is best experienced when you see things through". (I just made that up)
Are you ready?
I got my first tattoo, and it's pretty exciting. Every time I tell someone about it, I observed there are only 2 FAQ's: If it's painful and what it means.
1. Was it painful?
Surprisingly it was way better than I initially anticipated it to be. "Unpleasant". I think that's the word we are looking for. I was so bubbly, excited, and chatty coming into the Tattoo parlor but when the artist started inking, I fell silent almost immediately. I had to focus really hard to take my mind off of the unpleasant sensation on my shoulders. What made it even more unpleasant was I had to sit still for more than an hour and my ADHD (completely self-diagnosed) kicked in. Experience-wise, I'll rate it 4/5 stars and will definitely get one again. ;)
2. What does your tattoo mean?
When I got a tattoo, I knew this was going to be a common question so I did prepare for it. I know this is over the top but I have prepared 3 levels of explanation that would depend on relationship depth and level of interest in the conversation. I'll be laying it all out for you because we're friends now. (Right?)
Level 1: "The Small-Talk" Explanation
Plain and simple: I just wanna get a tattoo.
To be honest, I didn't contemplate this decision. I just scheduled and chose the design the night before. It was both a rash and rushed decision. I think that tells a lot about me. I'd like to pretend that I'm analytical (or an overthinker haha) but I've realized, the best decisions I made were those that needed less thinking. Sometimes, dealing with the consequences of your decisions is the fun part. So if in case I'd regret getting this tattoo, this would remind me of the "rash and rushed" version of me.
Level 2: "Do you watch Avatar: the last Airbender?" Explanation
The tattoo basically represents my obsession with the series Avatar: The Last Airbender. I have been watching this series ever since I was very young when things were a little less intense!
It is inspired by one of the fauna from the series, Tui and La (the moon and ocean spirit). In the series, these koi fish were the spiritual symbol of balance and change.
To me, it is a reminder of taking things as it is because I am defined not by the situation I go through but I how I act upon them. I graduated as a Chemical Engineer and now entering a whole new different course in my career. I feel that Tui and La are a good reminder that things may not be according to plan (and sometimes we outgrow our plans), so change must be embraced. Now I am a full-time Financial Advisor, aspiring podcaster, and opening myself up to opportunities this abundant universe has to offer.
Level 3: Open-heart Explanation
My mom passed away early this year. As an only child brought up by a single parent, I have played her passing a million times for as long as I can remember. I knew this day would come, and I felt I needed to emotionally and mentally prepare for it. When it did happen, it still caught me off guard. When she got really ill, I knew that was how she going to go. When she first got diagnosed, she needed blood and I was a viable donor. I took care of my body like crazy to prepare it if she needed blood or even an organ to save her. So getting a tattoo or anything that might compromise my body was out of the question.
After ~5 long months after her passing, I decided to get one. I wanted to permanently engrave that memory on my body to remind me of the lengths I would go for her. It is to remind me of love as well.
If you wanna know someone's story (if they have tattoos) ask about what each of them represent and you'd be indulged with amazing stories. So now I'm sharing this one with you.
Now, when I look at myself in the mirror and I see my tattoo, it will remind me to keep in touch with my inner child, to accept things as they are, and to remind me that at one point in time, my life, my world, and my dreams revolved around an amazing woman.
I got a tattoo to remind me of her but it is also to remind me of the forward steps that I will be taking, the future I will be facing, and dreams I'd be creating for myself. This is it. Forward I go.
Am I ready?