Memories Of Pepper's Final Walk, Come Flooding Back

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Wow, The Emotions Are Still Filling My Head ..

Just about 10 months have past since Pepper past away in our arms .. as we lay with him on our bedroom floor in the wee hours of the morning. Molly rustled around and was trying to find comfort, as she watched her brother yelp, shake, pant, and eventually take his last breaths into his tiny lungs. Although I am still emotional over these vivid memories, I would not change them for anything but to have more time with him.

Why? You may ask.. Because we were blessed to have been able to be there for his final moments, to comfort and hold him. We were also grateful to have been able to take him on one final walk. An abbreviated walk in the areas we used to stroll along, night after night, from one season to the next. The cold and bitter winds found here in the Northeast, were not even enough to stop us from out nightly walks.

Pepper LOVED to walk.

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An Emotional Morning ..

I had an emotional morning after reading an article. A British news agency called South West News Service, reported a story (sold to many news agencies) I read today that brought personal memories flooding back in. How ironic this was. This morning I was sitting in my living room, thinking about the late Mr. Pepper, and then stumbled upon this article.

The article was appropriately titled .. "MAN TAKES DYING DOG FOR ONE FINAL WALK UP FAVOURITE MOUNTAIN IN WHEELBARROW".

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Source - SWNS

Carlos Fresco and his 10-year-old labradoodle, Monty, have walked the route up the Brecon Beacons on multiple occasions over the years. But when Monty was diagnosed with leukaemia, Carlos decided to give his beloved dog one last trip up the mountain range for a final look at the view from the top.

Source - SWNS

I was in tears after reading the story.. Maybe I was crying not only because the story was bitter sweet, but also because I could relate. I could almost feel what this man was going through, what he was thinking and feeling as he took each and every one of those steps, and all the while pushing that wheel barrow holding his best buddy. I admire Mr. Fresco for taking Monty on a final walk, and I am sure it will be something he will always remember and NEVER regret.

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On Pepper's Final Walk .. I remember thinking that I didn't want my walk with Pepper to end. I remember thinking about how Pepper must have been feeling and what he may have been thinking. His body was limp, he could barely stand, his eyes appeared gray and glossy, and we were not sure he could he even hear us. But those things didn't matter, because the walk was as much for him as it was for us; Doing one last thing together as a family, one last thing he enjoyed more than anything in the world (besides food) .. A walk. The final walk before the end. Nothing to regret.

Pepper died on a Saturday morning

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The post link from September 13th, 2020, is below, if you want to read more depressing stuff. If not, don't read it. Fair warning

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Rest In Peace Pepper - Our Baby Boy, Our Pepperoni, Our Buddy Boy.. Mommy and Daddy LOVE You

Before I Read The Article ..

I had gotten up, as I do everyday, to let Molly out, feed her, and give her the medications she needs to keep going. I contribute my emotional mess today to what I saw at that time. I was rubbing my eyes and stretching as Molly was outside doing her thing. I turned around and saw that Pepper's Sympathy Orchid was beginning to show signs of ending this most recent blooming event.

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Nooooooooo!!! Not the flowers! It seems like just yesterday I was collecting the flowers that had fallen, and was placing them into his ashes box. This was definitely a trigger to the emotions that began to take hold.

Even though I know the end must come, to all things living, it is still a shock when that day arrives.

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I pulled it together and .. I finished my morning routine. Afterwards, I had a few minutes to spare before heading off to work. I sat in the living room, across from a leather chair with a photo blanket draped over it. The blanket was a gift from a close cousin who knew/knows our dogs very well. She knew this was going to be a perfect gift; A gift that we have really enjoyed looking at as well as being a warm and meaningful addition to our home.

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It was at that moment .. That I stumbled upon that article about Carlos Fresco and his 10-year-old labradoodle, Monty. How ironic that all these things, all these thoughts are consuming me, and then I read this article. Ugggggg. Could the morning get any more depressing?

I finished reading .. Closed the app and began preparing to head out the door, off to work, and on with the day ahead of me. I was hoping NOT to have anymore emotional reminders of Pepper, our life with him, and the devastation left after his passing. The day proved to be a kind one, leaving my mind alone to rebuild stability. Memories and the occasional tear, came and went throughout the day, but nothing like this morning.

I feel at peace again .. and am glad I have a platform such as this, HIVE, to release these thoughts into writing. I am glad to have friends and family that care and will read this story, appreciating it for what it is ..

An outlet for my emotions and a way for me to heal from what is still an ongoing tragedy in my life. How lucky am I to have you all in it?

Thank you for reading my depressing post. I appreciate the love and the support.. Always!

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Today I was simply thinking about my poor sweet baby boy, Pepper. We miss ya buddy!

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“To crave and to have are as like as a thing and its shadow. For when does a berry break upon the tongue as sweetly as when one longs to taste it, and when is the taste refracted into so many hues and savors of ripeness and earth, and when do our senses know any thing so utterly as when we lack it? And here again is a foreshadowing -- the world will be made whole. For to wish for a hand on one's hair is all but to feel it. So whatever we may lose, very craving gives it back to us again.”
― Marilynne Robinson, Housekeeping

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Thank you for swinging by my blog and checking out the post. Have a great day!

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All words, pictures and art pieces are the sole property of B D Miller Gallery, unless otherwise noted and credited, and are not to be reproduced or copied without the prior written consent of B D Miller Gallery.

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