A memoir
You now hold in your hands the third key, the key of truth, and only one needed key is left to open the gate on your way to the kingdom of your realization. This is the key of virtues and it is comprised of four fine teeth: flexibility, perseverance, determination and patience.
Flexibility
It is not difficult to imagine, no matter how experienced you are with relationships, that as every relationship, the romantic one as well demands to compromise and to accommodate our old habits and ways of life to the new partner with whom we share our life now. To be flexible is a blessed and exalted character but it is equally important to know what is appropriate to compromise on and to what extent.
Starting a quarrel over “who does the dishes” or “what should be the child’s bed time” would not be appropriate because in minor issues like these you should demonstrate maximum flexibility and come towards your partners if the matter is important to them. That will teach them to compromise too in the issues that matter to you.
Envisioning your goal of harmonious and loving relationship you should firmly insist only on the issues that will develop you and the relationship forward. If for example you believe on the one hand in True-Love but on the other hand you compromise on critical issues like fidelity, honest sharing and emotional support then you actually accept your poor situation and do nothing to evolve the relationship. Such flexibility is not appropriate and will impede your journey.
Once you make the call for Realization you create a strong movement of energy that will propel you forward from now on. Your entire life will be checked by that movement and infinite minuscule calculations will be done to take you from your current life-circumstances to where you want to be. Changes will happen in your personal life that should not be ignored. Those changes may seem at first as not relating to love or relationship at all, but be certain that these are the steps that you should take.
For instance, one of such changes may happen in your place of work. You may be transferred to another department or be asked to change your daily schedule or even be given additional tasks with no tangible reward. It is important that you be flexible and allow those changes to take place because they will take you to places of which you have no idea at the moment.
Notwithstanding, exercise your own discretion and refrain from absorbing anything that is thrown at you. Use the key of truth for that. If, for example, your employer demands that you “shape” the accounting books before the next inspection do not say to yourself: “I need to remain flexible and accept the changes”. This is the time when you need to listen to your inner values and to use the senses of integrity and truth that you have developed. Your refusal to cooperate in that act of lying might invoke anger towards you and perhaps cause your dismissal. If that happens, be sure that now is the time to be flexible. Do not fight because your old place of work didn’t suit with your choice for Realization and you had to get rid of it. Do not worry as well because a new providing financial source will show up in your life.
For those who are already in a relationship, their call for Realization will shortly bring meaningful changes in the relationship itself that should not be ignored. For instance, your wife might forget your birthday again and disregard it totally as she has before. That, you know, is just another symbol for her indifferent and alienated attitude towards you. The difference now is that you chose differently and in your new stance, you are sensitive and aware of what’s going on in your life. Will you dismiss what just happened and accept her lame excuses or will you understand, once and for all, that you deserve better; that your birthday should be celebrated or at least acknowledged by your spouse; that you are entitled to be spoiled and cared for?! Will you be willing to compromise on the treatment that you receive from your spouse?! Compromising and flexibility are not required when it comes to self-love!
Let’s look at another example -
Your spouse returns home after spending his whole afternoon playing basketball with his friends. You are busy in the kitchen making supper for the whole family. Only an hour before you had come back from a tiring long day at the office. When you had arrived your spouse was not there and you remembered that it was his weekly basketball game day. Now, while cooking, you hear noises from the living room and when you check you realize that your spouse obviously entered the house while you were cooking in the kitchen.
He now waves his hand in your direction: “honey, get me a beer, will you? The game was killing me” he says. As a loving wife, you wish to please your husband so you do as he asks but later do reflect on the situation. Your spouse came home after he has not seen you for the whole day and instead of looking for you to say hi, or perhaps even to kiss you, he sat in front of the TV, in his own little world as if he didn’t really care about you, your feelings and how you were. Is this your lofty vision about a loving relationship?!
In such occurrences, like the mentioned examples, it is important to pay attention to what we compromise on because these events are not a coincidence but reflect our beliefs about life. If we accept unloving behaviors from our spouses we actually delay our own Realization. It is not true that “this is the real life”; “that we must be real and the daily routine cannot be always like a TrueLove fantasy”. There are people, that in spite of the hardships of the day-to-day activities and their other obligations do not compromise on receiving a loving attitude. It's about self-worth.
Next time that you face an event that doesn’t match your exalted vision about TrueLove be firm and determent to not tolerate such behaviors. I am not recommending that you fight with your spouse or admonish them for their misbehavior. But, if up until now you have not shared with them your decision to create True-Love then it’s time you did. Assertively and steadfastly explain your new stance and the new path that you now follow. Indeed, not always it will be easy because your spouse may be afraid of the change but you have no choice. You must be determent to move on. Expect surprises! Your spouse may confess that they have also buried within a vision for TrueLove but didn't share simply because they were too shy to tell you.
It also may happen that your spouse will be shocked to see that change, and therefore will agree to anything you say. However, soon enough they will forget everything and will return to their old unloving and indifferent patterns of behaviors. If that happens do not get discouraged and be persistent. Do not give up but rather remind them time and again what you choose from now on. Use any mean of explanation – a book, a workshop – but do not give up. In their own way, they test you to see how serious you are in the new “you” that is presented. Make sure to claim what you deserve. If you fail to do so your spouse will disregard anything that you may say in the future and you, yourself, will feel bad about who you are. You will return to your old habits until future events will come to rock your reality again.
Why? Because once you made the call, once you expressed your intention, your Soul self will never give up on you!
In the next chapter - The need to be patient
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