You can only find your allies when you show yourself.

Yesterday I was talking to a coworker at the place I work part time. We talked about the inevitable collapse of certain social institutions, spirituality and the future.

I used to teach her son and if it were back in the day there would always a kind of hesitance to show too much of myself. Wouldn’t want to let her find out how much of a weirdo I am…

These days I care less and less about hiding who I am. It’s not that I suddenly gained confidence, I’ve had that for a long time. It’s not that I suddenly stopped caring, I never really cared much about being different. I have just come to realize that you always have more to win by being what comes most naturally to you.

I used to be terrified that showing my true feelings and opinions would lead to negative results. My experiences led me to feel that way. I am not the type to notice a wrinkle or a stain on my shirt, and was often reprimanded about this kind of thing. I was also threatened with consequences for sharing my beliefs and ideas in work and school and even in my family. I spent many years forced to accept framing that didn’t make any sense to me and so I’ve become accustomed to cautiousness when it comes to showing what’s inside.

Now I realize that it wasn’t what was inside that led to those consequences, but the manner in which I shared it. I was always scared. I was timid. I didn’t speak with the confidence that I felt inside because I was focused too much on avoiding the negative consequence.

Sharing things like my views on crypto and the idea of a nation-state isn’t something I’d dare discuss with a coworker or student before, but now I do it daily. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of empathy and understanding I receive. I share ideas about my faith and it inspires people rather than inciting argument.

I find that people respect me as a teacher and a voice now because I am no longer afraid of the consequence. I mean, I’ve already been near homeless and faced the possibility of death a few times, and while I certainly don’t want to revisit any of that, the idea of losing my job or making someone annoyed doesn’t have the same weight that it used to have. I have back up plans, and more importantly, I am confident that I can figure it out somehow.

I explained to my coworker my interest in crypto and how I was making plans for a world that looks drastically different than the world today. I expressed my most positive and negative views about Japan, the culture she has spent her whole life in. She seemed utterly fascinated with my perspective and even expressed gratitude that I had taught her son because she wants him to have a variety of influences.

When I came out about crypto to my students, it turns out 3 of them were already invested pretty heavily and one was a part time trader. He had been keeping it secret, worried that others would judge him. I told him that my other students were similar to him and now they talk about it openly.

I share my experiences with traditional massage as an effective means of treating most body issues. Half of them are totally into it. The other half, not so much. So I learn who I can talk about it with.

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Back in the day I would just feel that no one felt the same as me, and feel alone in my viewpoints, and feel as if I had no freedom of expression, because I knew my ideas could be shot down, and the “majority” would be against me in a way where I’d have to accept their framing.

It’s not as if the consequences were all in my head. There are still situations where it’s smarter to keep my opinions to myself, but realizing that I have far more allies than I think allows me not to relax enough to relax most of the time.

I still have to figure out who I’m dealing with. The fact that I have no interest in getting the “V” almost lost me a student last month. Even though I teach her online, she seemed very troubled by the fact that I’m equally cautious of chemicals produced by companies which have been caught lying to people and putting them in danger before.

In the past I always wanted to argue my points, but these days I realize, it’s better to let people have their opinions and not to go out of your way to argue with them. I decided that if asked, I’d share my opinion openly yet softly. I won’t lie but I will try to change the topic as quickly as possible. In this way I managed to keep her as a student.

The way I see it now, if I let her have her opinions, I expect her to do the same. If she can’t, I don’t need her as a client. If she doesn’t like my opinions, she’s free to let it be. If she disagrees but doesn’t push me, we are fine.

When you stop trying to appeal to everyone, you may alienate a few people, but you will also find your people. There is enough variety out there and as long as you present things in a way that isn’t too difficult to swallow, you are bound to find a few people who accept you as you are and appreciate your perspective.

I find the more honest I am, the stronger alliances I’m able to build. People know I’m authentic and that in itself is a currency more valuable than money. That is how you build a real reputation, not as something cool or trendy, but as someone truly valuable and worth peoples time and effort.

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