Important announcement:
I was just given 6 bouncy balls!
Just popped into my favorite chai shop and they were giving away free toys. I picked up a bunch of bouncy balls and felt the kid in me overwhelmed with the idea of playing with them. I haven't played with bouncy balls in ages.
I immediately recognized my trained socialization... to control my urge to play. But I said FUCK IT, and bounced all the way back home. I accidently hit a woman in the shoulder and didn't feel guilty about it...it's a small light ball. I apologized profusely though because unless I was in a good mood, I wouldn't like being hit in the head by a ball, and she laughed and I laughed and it was no big deal.
Such is my life.
I would rather have a world where people feel free to play and make tiny mistakes than one where we are all constantly trying to be adults. That apology is important though, just as a sign of goodwill, and also, it's important to change your behavior based on the severity of consequences. I'm adult enough to know that this game WOULD NOT WORK inside of an antique shop!
We went shopping for some clothes.
Recently I decided that I would try to change my style a bit, to wear things more consciously. Most of my life I've always opted for things that felt familiar and were easily available. In Japan, that means....Uniqlo, GU and Muji. Kinda boring, and big companies I don't need to support.
I want to wear brighter cloths freely, and comfortable interesting fabrics.
I think there are two distinct reason I never got into fashion. A lot of fashion is tied to name brands, which I don't only not care about, I do not want to support.
The other reason is that women have a much wider variety of choices than men because women tend to care more about clothing and tend to be more adventurous with their choices. For this reason, women's clothing has more diversity, especially in Asia.
My solution to this is to shop in unisex stores for things like T-shirts and sweaters, and sometimes to check out the women's section, although I'm still a little uncomfortable doing this.
I am trying to get over my hesitance. See even someone who is perfectly fine throwing balls around and talking to the strangers they hit has their own self-imposed limitations. I am constantly working on them though.
Part of my decision to wear different clothing comes from observing a pattern. A lot of the people I admire are wizards. They are obviously wizards. They are artists, mostly musicians, who can set up a mood even before they play a single note.
I don't mean anything particularly occult when I saw wizard. To me a wizard is someone who knowingly uses all the tools at their disposal to sculpt an atmosphere including some things which others might find ridiculous. They are aware of how each action and behavior can affect people, even in subconscious ways, and look at things holistically. They may play with associations or symbols because of impact, not because they want attention for attentions sake. They have something to say or something they want to create and aren't forcing it upon anyone, merely creating the atmosphere with which it can arise.
This is what I aim to be at least.
I think my boring choice of clothing has been a subconscious effort to limit my own power, mostly because I'm afraid I won't make the right fashion choices. But our own confidence and conviction is actually much stronger than anyone's tastes. If you wear something that you love and you are totally convicted about it, people won't look down on you or dismiss you for it, even if they hate it and wouldn't wear it themselves. It requires a kind of confidence that not everyone has.
So I'm thinking about clothing a lot these days. The priority is just bright blues and light reds, yellows and greens. After that I want to get more experimental.
If you are interested in blogging here and earning some change while sharing ideas and making friends, send me a message on X (@ ipluseverything)
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Untangled Knots podcast:
Japanese Upbringing Explained (interview my Japanese student)
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