10 easy steps to being broke.

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Step 1: Don't do a budget.

For God's sake, whatever you do, don't do a budget! You sort of know how much you get paid, but if you do it right, you won't know how much you spend. Ignorance is bliss.

Step 2: Never use cash.

Cash has a weird way of having you count it before handing it over, which causes a bit of financial pain and that's no good. With a credit card, you ‘just swipe it and forget it,’ no pain there my friend.

Step 3: Impulse Buy.

You work hard. You totally deserve that $2,000 treadmill in 5 easy payments. Just buy it, don't even think about it. The rule of thumb is, when it pops in your head, stop what you're doing, jump online, give Amazon your 16 digits, and be sure NOT to save the receipt, you don't need any reminders about the cost, now do you?

Step 4: Never address spending with your significant other.

If at all possible, avoid the conversation completely. If you feel a conversation about money emerging, run out of the room as quickly as possible, make up any excuse. I have to walk the dog; my mistress is waiting; I’m part of a crack commando squad being deployed; just get the hell out of there!

Step 5: If you can't avoid the conversation, just blame the other for spending too much.

The blame game is where it's at baby. I highly recommend accusing your significant other that they spend too much or they make too little, and simultaneously convince them that you deserve that 25 foot bass boat because she and the kids are stressing you out about money. And don’t forget to take out a loan for it.

Step 6: Use high interest credit cards.

Use high interest credit cards and always pay the minimum payments, nothing more. Remember, the higher the APR and crappier the terms, the better.

Step 7: Always buy ‘just-in-case’ items.

Why buy just one TV when you can get two for twice the price. That’s what I do, because you might need it for the guest room that your estranged family should never use. Also, if you happen to be out-and-about, go to your favorite store, walk aimlessly through the aisles and just pick things up, it doesn't matter what, because you'll eventually need it, right? And don't forget to use a credit card; you don't need to be counting any cash.

Step 8: If your friends make more than you, keep up with their spending.

Your friends obviously make more money than you if they spend more. And, it's totally a competition. If you spend more than them, you win!

Step 9: Buy things to impress others.

Do you want to be the envy of the neighborhood? Do you want your friends to be jealous? Do you want to show-up your family? Well I have the answer for you; buy numerous and expensive things to show how successful you are. Make sure you flaunt it as well, how else are they going to know. It doesn't matter if you can afford it. With a credit card, you can afford anything! And who would know more about this than the good people in the debt finance industry; if they didn't think you could afford it, why would they lend you the money?

Step 10: No matter what you do, don't change.

Don't change any of your spending habits. Change eventually leads to savings, and savings leads to the accumulation of wealth. Wealth, yuck.

Credit for photo: https://pixabay.com/users/samwilliamsphoto-10634669/

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