This morning started a little differently to the last almost two months, as I delivered my first client session since having a stroke toward the end of June. It was with a person I have been training for around a decade, so it is more like a friendship, but it was still a testing situation. I could feel the difference from earlier quite clearly and was far more than aware of how the flow of my voice has changed significantly. It was good to get back into it to gauge my condition and also a little depressing as to how much work lay in front of me to bring myself up to spec.
because we have been talking together for so long, we spent much of the time discussing what happened and the consequences of it. It was really interesting and my client added in some of his own experiences and perspectives across connected topics, including when he had to take time off for a back injury a long time ago, that while he could have physically worked, the medication he was on was so disruptive that he wasn't able to. His feelings were the same as mine are now, a sense of guilt for being okay, but definitely not well enough mentally to work.
With an external physical injury, it is far easier to both see that there is an issue and know how to adjust and rehab. I used the example today of losing a couple fingers on a hand and then having to relearn how to for example hold and use a fork, as well as other activities. While not a life threatening injury and still able to live a relatively normal life, it does affect specialized needs and in some case, might make some activities impossible. But, it is relatively clear what needs to be done and what is going to be affected.
With a "slight" brain injury, it is far less apparent what is affected and what needs to be done. Plus from the outside looking in, the symptoms are hidden but the effects are experienced. Because the brain is pretty complex and parts of it are somewhat a mystery as to how they precisely work, there seems to be a fair bit of trial and error involved in firstly working out what has been affected and then, working out how to approach immediate and long-term adjustment and recovery.
This was a relatively easy session, as it is for my own business, which means it is discussion, but I admitted that I am not ready to do some of the more complex thinking that is normally required. He is okay with that and is happy to let me move slowly back into where we were before, since there is value for him doing what we do anyway.
There is quite a difference between being at home and with friends or in a more professional environment. I am scheduled to start back at the office of my other job on the 16th and it will be very different to be not only in a more formal environment, but with many more people around. In some way is it like speaking a second language relatively okay, but not really well. When speaking with a single individual or a couple of people in the same discussion, it is okay to follow, but when there are more in a group setting and simultaneous conversations crossing each other, things get far harder to follow, let alone engage with and add value to the discussion.
While I know that I can work remotely to avoid this, ultimately, I have to get back on the horse and throw myself into the fray. the earlier the better in my opinion, so I will likely go into the office at least to make an appearance as soon as I can. If needs be, I will socialize in short bursts and isolate myself from time to time and if it does get too much, I can head off and do the rest of the day from home. Thankfully, I have a fair amount of flexibility and what I do is not generally location dependent, making things easier.
It has been an interesting experience so far though and while I wouldn't have wanted it to happen at all, since it has I will try to take as much from it as I can. what has been interesting to note is that everyone has advice on what "has to be done" for recovery, even though most have very little direct experience with this kind of situation, or their experience is quite second hand or worse, a google search with cherrypicked examples.
But, this is all part of the learning experience of the situation and gives me a better understanding of many things, including how I think about "idiots" - since now I am one myself, and I know it, which might be the worst part of it. Yet, being back on the ride felt good and I am looking forward to seeing some progression back toward my normal me as the journey continues.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]