When I was young I always dreamed to be a seafarer. I remember when my teacher asked me what I wanted to be in the future. My answer wouldn't change. I grew up with a poor family. I didn't blame my parents because of that. Even with that kind of status in life. I have a cheerful family.
I was never ashamed that my father is a fisherman and my mother was a housemaid. Even though some children bullied me back then. I chose to ignore them. I was determined that it would be me to help my family be lifted from that life challenge. I decided to have that kind of job. I saw my neighbours change their houses easily after they got home from the ship. Hearing from the words of other people that it's because seafarers earned a huge amount of salaries.
It's in the year 2012 I passed the exam for the scholarship. It's at the University of Palompon where Deutsch sponsored it. I cried because of happiness. That time I thought that my dream was almost reachable by my hands. I wrote a letter to my parents about the news. Even though social media arrived at our place. I had no phone to use to communicate with my parents. I thought it was not necessary since I had no money to buy from it.
It was hard. The competition of having good grades was a battle for me. If I couldn't maintain it I will be removed from the scholarship. There were days that I haven't eaten a single meal because of an illness. No one was there for me. No one was there to watch but I forced myself to study. I was thinking of going home at that time. I was imagining the road home but I stopped myself. I thought that there was no room for self-pity.
The Year 2013 after a year of studying. I received a letter that my father died. It was too late for me to go home because of the fucking hardship of life. I relied on a letter and the letter wouldn't arrive right away. I couldn't go home yet because it was the day of our final examination.
"Son, remember your dreams in life. No matter how fate tried to break it. Fight for it and make sure to fix it. Life is full of challenges and just one wrong choice will fall you apart."
The words of my father flashed back into my thoughts. I took the examination with tears. I squeezed my brain to remember what I've studied.
"I need to pass."
"I must pass this examination."
That's in my thoughts at that time. I love my family and of course my parents. I was desperate to go home but I haven't felt despair because of my dreams. I just thought that perhaps my father would not be happy if I failed because of him.
I bit my lips and I breathe slowly. I didn't want to make a sound while having an examination.
"Okay pass the paper."
The words from my instructor before I decided to go home. The result would be a week after. After I passed my papers I asked permission to go home because of that reason.
5 hours of riding on public transportation. At last, I saw the road straight to our home. I asked the driver to stop the van. From the moment I felt my feet touch the road. I ran as fast as I could to go home. I was eager to go home. Maybe I couldn't do anything to bring my father's life. I still wanted to be there to see him.
"Carl...you're here?"
Doubtful words from my mother as she came to approach me with tears.
"You didn't make it son. Your father is there lying already."
I hugged my mother tightly. I wanted to let her feel my pain by the grip of my hug to her. I yearned for her hug to let my tears flow like heavy rain from the storm. I longed for her embrace to lead me in shouting out my agony.
I walked slowly while seeing the coffin in front of me. The anguished of my heart was not enough to let me stop crying.
I touched the glass where his cheerful face could be seen. He was as if smiling like the old days he still lives with us. My kind father was near but I couldn't touch it.
I wanted to shout to let the sorrow come out. I needed to sob to erase all the pain in my heart. All I did to ease the pain but it's not helping. It just hurt me more the more I imagined how good a father he was.
After a week of mourning, I needed to go back to my school. It was not enough but for my dreams and my widowed mother. I must be strong because I had younger siblings.
I took steps slowly on that road to leave home. I remember how my father smiled so hard. I couldn't help myself but cry remembering the past when my father was still alive. He always waited for me to go home or to leave home. I felt like not going back but I suppressed my emotions and still decided to continue my journey in achieving my dreams.
3 years passed already but it seems the road of going to our home still the same. It became the same because I'm still thinking that my father will be there waiting for me. Although I can't do anything to return from the past. I'm still happy. If not because of this road, I will not be who I am now. If not because of my father who taught me to walk along this road. I can't help my mother and my younger siblings to have an easier life. I'm always thankful for this road because this is where the journey of my dreams started.
END...
Thank you for reading
mrnightmare
Here's the week prompt by the way if you want to enter.