As I wander my way around Colorado camping and exploring and generally just being a lazy irresponsible vagrant, I find myself often annoyed by the amount of trash and litter left lying around campsites by vagrants far more irresponsible than I.
Even my car, Yolo McFukitol, who is a dirty unrefined scoundrel of a Subaru to be sure, is filled with disgust every time we pull into yet another random dispersed campsite to discover that it has been defiled by those who preceded us.
The other day YMF and I were camping out near the bustling metropolis of Wellsville, where I intend to eventually find gold nuggets large enough to be used for stoning litterbugs to death. We were having one of our classic besodden afternoon philosophical jam sessions when naturally enough the topic of littering came up.
I was sitting by the firepit injecting Fireball whisky directly into my arm. YMF was prowling around in the woods nearby looking for arrowheads, entirely trashed on jet fuel, when he came across this:
A bottle of… firefightin' gummy dogs? Who knows.
Of course as soon as he saw it, he reared up on his hind wheels and blew a black gaseous cloud out of his tailpipe to indicate his disdain for the sort of human scum that would just leave such a thing lying on the ground like that.
And of course I immediately concurred, and was about to launch off on one of my world-famous drunken rants against society in general when suddenly I had an idea.
Why not just pick it up?
So I did.
And having done so, I felt a bit better about things.
I'm making my home on free public lands to save money, after all. Perhaps I can give back a little by leaving campsites cleaner than I found them?
So, together, YMF and I spent a lovely hour or so stumbling about and scouring the area around our campsite, looking for trash.
I present to you now our findings:
Bud Light bottle cap, and a washer. Fun fact: In Colorado, Bud Light does not count as beer so it's legal to drink and drive with it.
Partial Clif bar wrapper, methinks. I hope it was the last thing they ate before a bear mauled them to death.
No idea what this is, but it looks like the perfect size for storing a couple joints.
Spent ketchup cartridge.
Unidentified Funny Object. Or, as the government would say, Unidentified Amusement Phenomenon.
Drone excrement. Looks like it's been here a while based on the fading and discoloration.
Oh god. This one's a bit NSFW, sorry about that. Moving on.
Rusty nail, looks like someone was out here shooting their rusty nail gun not too long ago. Also more drone excrement.
Bottle cap, looks like Left Hand's milk stout nitro if I were to venture a guess. Oh the irony here. Chief Left Hand would have been pissed. I hope you got drunk and then drove your car right into the Arkansas and drowned you asshole.
Balloon animal penis. These fall off and deflate after mating. Don't worry, they grow back, just like lizard tails. Most people know that it's just common courtesy to clean up after your balloon animal pets. Clearly not this idiot though.
Empty bottle of sprites.
And here's the whole haul, picked up and bagged.
Hey YMF, that was fun.
Let's do that again sometime.
Campsite Cleanup is now a thing, I guess.
