Recently I have been trying to conduct my online activities with the most appalling wifi connection, a PC that dies several times a day, and a camera that shoots stunning pictures in a format that I struggle to convert once I get them onto my PC.
It kinda makes you wonder how such first-world problems bug us so much when we have, quite categorically, 'never had it so good'.
Don't get me wrong, I do need to spend some cash when it is a little more abundant to bring my online activities to where I need them to be in order to achieve the many goals I have set for myself online.
I see myself earning an ever-increasing amount of money online that enables me to slowly reduce the hours I must spend working my job over the next year or 2, so once I am able to cover these expenses, I will certainly view them as an investment.
I should point out that I do not see Hive as one of my main online earning avenues, I have always viewed Hive as more of a long-term experiment that I am happy to be a part of, and any financial payoff will be a bonus that I view more like a pension top-up if that makes sense.
There are so many ways that I would like to expand my writing, some of them will bear financial fruit, I am in no doubt. The main reason for doing so though is because I deeply enjoy it.
That is the number one reason you never hear me complaining no matter what the payout number beneath my post reads. There were times, I am sure many of you experienced them too when posts made a whopping total of zero cents. Many more times when less than a dollar equivalent was the reward for putting myself into the words on the page.
Occasionally the posts I had written cost me many, many hours of valuable, irreplaceable time but I was always and will continue to be unfazed by this. You see, when it comes to blogging there is only one solid reason to do it, because it is fulfilling, or at the very least fun.
I often say to the new people who wander into HiveVille, don't be too concerned with the number beneath the post, be more focussed on how you feel laying your thoughts and experiences on the page.
If it isn't enjoyable then you are not doing it right!
So often in Hive-based Discord groups, I see people complaining that they cannot be bothered to write a post, I gotta question why they are here?
One of two things is happening there, either they only came for a huge financial windfall that some uber-bad onboarder told them they would receive for showing up OR they have no business joining a community that rewards those who create content.
The glaringly huge irony of course if they only joined for money, it is never gonna come without writing posts anyway.
It is true of course that the blockchain is about more than just blogging however this is the easiest entry-level activity with regard to building a following, creating engagement, and tapping into the reward pool.
I believe I discovered a profound joy from writing and having a voice too late in life to ever become a master of the craft. Almost half a century into my life journey, with a busy life and a minimum number of working years ahead of me no matter how well my other financial endeavours go, the clock is undeniably against me.
There's a little melancholic resignation tied up in that last sentence or two because I know with every single fibre of my being that any one of us could be anything we set our mind to. I don't mean anything we kinda hoped for, or weakly tried our hand at.
I mean that deep resolve to go after something, so profoundly that sees us closing every door and burning every bridge leading to any destination other than that we demanded of ourselves.
I guess I just didn't hold myself to account enough thus far into my life. Oh, I let myself run at the mouth, telling folks about all the things I was gonna do, all the success I would achieve one day soon because I demanded it of myself.
Of course, that perceived notion of success had financial attainment attached, such dreams always do. It was sincerely never about the material stuff though, it was and indeed is about looking at the guy I see in the mirror each morning and saying, yup, you made me proud.
If I had attracted all the trappings of success, right now this would be my yacht!
You may have noticed a post I wrote a few weeks ago regarding my youngest daughter and the fundraising, saving, sacrifice, and selling all but the kitchen sink, we have been enduring in order to raise £9250 in a few weeks to enable her to pursue her dream of attending drama school. One of the things we did is start a gofundme campaign. When I say 'we', my eldest daughter started the campaign as she knew what it meant to my youngest to pursue her West End dream.
Let me confess something, while it's just you and me here. I was never keen on the idea of the fundraising campaign because it left me feeling severely and overwhelmingly embarrassed.
All I could imagine anyone thinking when they saw what we were endeavouring to do was:
"What a loser, almost 50 years on the planet, and the guy can't even afford to take care of his own family, what a bloody joke!"
To be clear, nobody has ever openly stated such a thing. I would also never look at anyone and think such a thing ever, period! It is a fact that little nagging voice that lives in our head is loud, cruel, vindictive and so, so loud sometimes though, isn't it?
I sometimes think nobody could ever be as hard or unforgiving as we are on ourselves. Nobody else ever gets to hear the internal monologue that chides, derides, and belittles us when we feel vulnerable, useless, and exposed.
The whole #bekind movement was never taken up by our own psyche, why the hell are we so harsh on ourselves, why do we expect perfection from somebody we know intrinsically and intimately is wholly imperfect?
Wow! I am gonna start wrapping this post up here as it has become more of an ongoing stream of consciousness and a cathartic crutch than an ordered piece of coherent writing. I have noticed this a lot recently. Once my mind has a chance to take a step back and regroup I am sure normal service will be resumed but for now... This is kind of where I am at.
There are two huge life matters that will be resolved very soon, in the next week or two to be precise, after that, I will give myself a few days to re-engage with what my aims, goals, and ambitions are. I will be back writing consistently again. The only bright spark to be gleaned from the last few months of consistent inconsistency is that I have come to have profound respect and a far greater appreciation of my writing time, which I have missed, immensely!
To describe me as middle-aged today places the not insignificant burden upon me of living to the ripe old age of 100, assuming I can complete that seemingly unlikely task I am resolved to not spend the second half of my life in the same way as the first.
In truth though a new direction and newly focussed will can be achieved in far less a time of course. This shall be the plan for the next few years, who knows what can be achieved when the right impetus is gained and the resolve that comes from deep within is fired and wired and ready to go?
Or, is that perhaps just little old Steven talking again when he really should be acting?
We shall see. I am still just days away from being one calendar year from turning 50 and that date has a lot of significance placed upon it as to where I want to be in life. I am still hugely committed to my goal of being better in all aspects of my life at 50 than I was at 40.
I look forward to sharing some truly inspiring, encouraging, focussed, and well-written posts with you again soon when my life has a little more clarity. By mid-September, my time should be largely my own again and I am eager to continue my journey with passion both here and in the so-called real world.
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post & if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way, I want you to know that you are appreciated!
Keep taking the time to connect with each other both here & in the 'so-called' real-world & try & look after each other, because as you already know...
