Dispersed

I don't know what I am writing. I am **just writing** for the sake of catharsis or the lockdown will drive me crazy. I am a house wife and this lockdown has increased my responsibilities multi folded. (I cannot count the folds 😣)

Being a mother of school going children (who are in the initial years of school) has not been an easy task during the lockdown period. Online classes has crushed my mind and routine. Last month, when the schools opened and physical classes resumed, I felt relieved. The routines of bed, rise, meal times, study and play had come to its normal. Moreover, they didn't have much time for fighting over petty issues. Both of them displayed a level of matuarity and responsibility in their behavior. Above all, they displayed a better understanding of their study courses. My workload decreased. I only had to supplement with whatever had been already taught at school.

The sense of relief didn't last even for a month and the lockdown was implemented again. Without any exaggeration, I need to spend 6 to 8 hours of my day with the studies of my kids. My elder son who is class 2 has to take zoom classes. He doesn't understand anything that is taught there. Honestly speaking, I also don't understand what is taught there. These classes are merely the formality and we need to attend them for the sake of marking attendance. After 2 hours of those zoom classes, I teach him at two different point of times to let him finish his work.

The irony is, I cannot teach both of my kids together. My younger one is in nursery class. There are more oral task that he needs to repeat after me. I need to play with flashcards to let him learn new words. That is why it is impossible to guide both of them together. Moreover, the video lectures and pdf assignments for both of them are in my phone. If I teach them together, I need to sweep the device jere and there every now and then.

My husband is home due to lockdown. Managing with his mood swings is another exhausting task. The other home chores is all with me with increases intensity. The routine is badly disturbed.

My kids keep me on my toes. They are ready to fight with eachother all the time. I have to play the role of judge several times a day. Sometimes, I may have to become police catching the culprit behind battles. Plus, they need me every now and then to assist them finding their lost entities. My room is mostly upside down with the mess of toys, books and stationery. I cannot count how often I have to do cleaning. Most irritating is they talk a lot, I really mean a lot. Too much. The voice and noise all the time makes me feel the waves of the sea are striking my head.

The lockdown is extended for an unknown period. I do pray to God the things return to normal soon so that my dispersed mind may be integrated again. And ofcourse of other people's too.