Yesterday started really great, my brother’s wife gave birth to their first child, and even though it was trying at first, she survived and everyone was celebrating including me. I spoke to one of my closest friends about it and he couldn’t have been happier, we had even started making plans on a gift to buy and I was making research on prices.
Around 5 pm, I got a message from that friend and it read “I just lost my dad, I am fine.” and this brought back memories. You see, I lost my father around 2018 and it was the most trying of times, I was broken and shattered and I even questioned the God I believed in because I had prayed, I had begged, that was all I asked for that year and I still lost my father.
The day I lost my father was a Sunday, my brother and I had woken up and were getting ready for church before I heard my mother’s scream, we rushed to his room and it was evident that he was gone, he had been sick for almost 9 years and even though we knew he finally had peace, it didn’t stop our hearts from breaking.
For months after his death, all I felt was pain, you know people always say it would be alright and that it got better with time but they didn’t explain how empty the space the person left would feel, they never tell you that you would still cry at the thought of them years after and they never tell you that sometimes the scars hurt more than the wounds.
I spent months scrutinizing the words I said last, what I could have done better, and even blaming myself which didn’t help and I would literally feel like my world was crumbling on days like his birthdays, father’s day, and the day he died.
I am still not over losing my father and it has been three years so I can’t even imagine how my friend feels right at this time and I don’t know how to make him feel better when I am miles away because from experience I know words do nothing.
As much as I know death is inevitable, I sometimes wish it didn’t have to happen. Losing a loved one especially a parent isn’t easy but whenever I am sad I think of the Hebrew proverbs that says
Say not in grief “he is no more” but in thankfulness that he was
and instead of mourning, I celebrate who my father was when he was alive.
The pain might not stop after losing a loved one but it does get easier to live life day by day without them.
Thank you for opening this box of passion