Mary, my heart goes out to you, I am sorry and I am happy to hear your story. I have so much I want to say, I like your story. My favorite part of this post is when you wrote, "In order to give love you have to be love."
Some people can run into the wrong kinds of people in life, some of that can be toxic. The hard part is in getting away from the wrong kinds of people. I could briefly tell you one girl I met wanted to marry me when I was in Vietnam, she wanted me to take her to America and she broke up with me when I refused to give her all of my money.
So, I'm not going to exactly compare some of the heartbreak I've experience in my life to the pain you've experienced. But I will tell you I was homeless for 2 years when I was in Vietnam, long story. But I got out of that and things improved. I'm ok now.
I also like it when you wrote this, "I have a special relationship with this one and he is a rockstar." Oh, sounds like an ending to a modern fairytale.
Once upon time lived a princess. The evil beast cheated on the Drawing Body Art Snow White Chick. She escaped. She wandered in the woods for a while. Suddenly, a rock star came and swept her off her feet and onto a white horse. They rode off past the castle and into a beautiful logged cabin out in the woods by the lake and lived happily ever after, the end.