The new Dave

Sorry for zoning out for almost a week now. Since the 2nd dose of vaccine, I felt like something is really wrong with me. Some said, it was a placebo effect, some said it's was the reaction when something not natural infiltrated our body immune system. For me, after a long chat with @futuremind, I think it's probably in my mind. The damn thing had a severe affect in terms of psychology.

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I have often get dilemma after the vaccine. Am I me? Is this still me? What if I'm not me? If I'm me, what would me do? All kinds of silly thoughts. Moreover, I had some close contact died, and the officials pronounced their death has an affect of the virus. More mind boggling was, they're all vaccinated! So, it really appears to me, the vaccine is disturbing me and I couldn't take those deceased face out of my mind, as if they're telling me those needles will kill me.

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Anyway, I'm thinking it will kill me one way or another. Either the virus or the vaccine, if you do not know my country marked one of the highest infection according to the percentage of population. We're living in a small population country, and yet our infection rate probably faster than bitcoin price fluctuation. The country is now imposing strict rules, and if I not vaccine, they're going to keep me off the public and probably I'm going to have to send the family to live in the jungle.

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Other than psychology, I'm not exactly sure if it was also due to the sleeping disorder. I'm having some side effect since the first dose of the vaccine, where I would get up 3am in the morning for no reason. It's not like there's something that wake me up, but somehow even when I'm sleeping, I will start to realize stuff and hear the fan and come to full conscious. I'm not exactly sure if this is insomnia, but I feel perfectly fine other than wake up too damn early.

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But then, the second dose, since last Thursday. I feel my body is very heaty. I've checked my body temperature on regular basis, but it remain normal. I couldn't understand is, i'm sleeping in an airconditioned bedroom, had the machine turned to 20'C, and I started sweating, and my pillow goes wet like when I was younger having sex for an hour straight. My whole body sweat until my bedsheet has a 大 shape printed with sweat on it.

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Added with the disturbing neighborhood, those fuckers who chopping down the hill and started open burning not one, no two, but multiple spot at eh hill side, causing me nausea and started to feel really bad. I feel like I'm not me anymore.

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Also, I tired to do some workout, but it doesn't work too well. Arms are sore from the injection. I can still use the other arm, but I just don't feel like doing anything. Feeling dizzy and lack of motivation in doing anything. Added with another extra feature on the 2nd dose, I already having hard time to sleep through the night, now I have an amplified hearing ability. I know it sounded stupid, but now my mind went focus on my hearing when I close my eyes. At night, I can hear the fan blade spinning inside the aircondition. I can hear the clock ticking OUTSIDE of my bedroom. I can hear the stray dog walking pass 4th floor down. I can hear the trees. I can hear my phone vibrates. I can even hear the neighbor one floor above us playing Grand Tourismo 5, what car was he using? I think it's a GTR.

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Over the weekend, I also tried to take a walk, so I can sweat it all out. The funny part was, I can now hardly sweat!!!! It's insane! May be it was the weather, but I'm sure I walked fast enough, as if this is the usual me, I would have break sweat. But that day, I don't think I sweat any.

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There's so many times when I try to pickup writing again, and my mine just go b-l-a-n-k, absolutely nothing came up. I can't even find a proper tag to go with. And when I wanted to write, I started asking myself am I really me? What do they gave me in those syringe? Am I going to survive this? I'm not worried if those chemical in that syringe is going to kill me. I worried if they kill my family before me.

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For some unknown reason, I came to the place where I oftenly meet the friend who has been killed by the virus a week ago. We use to hang out at that yellow shop at the far right from the above photograph. I usually had to park here and walk all the way there due to the busy traffic before the pandemic set in.

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It got me started thinking, is it only me? Or everyone whom taken the vaccine are having issues like me? And the other day I pushed myself to complete the video editing and posted it. I thought I will be able to start picking up from there, but then the old me and the new me is fighting. I feel like, what if other people think I've changed? Am I really changed? Is it because of the vaccine? Or because of me? Why am I feels like I'm not myself?

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And it's fortunate to have someone close to talk to. I think, it's not really important if there's a conspiracy theory behind all this crap. If the vaccine is going to control my mind, I wouldn't even need to think if I have a chance to fight back. I think, if I'm really not me, then I'm sorry guys you'll have to deal with the new Dave. I will not trying to go back to the old Dave, because trying itself is not the original me. I do, I don't try. Let me be the best version of vaccinated Dave from now on and continue to bring you more KFC posts.

Cheers

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