Dear diary, I am here once again to write about what impacted me so much today. I am sorry that I've actually stopped journaling. It's time to correct that flaw now.
Kevin (my first born son) called as usual at 11pm. We spoke for about 15 minutes. We laughed and joked as always, then I asked him about his day. He spoke about the complicated cases he had to deal with today. He spoke about how he left when a surgery doesn’t go as planned. The pain in his voice said it all even though he made it sound normal, but a mother knows the nuances in her child's voice, right?
I asked him how work on thesis (he has to submit his thesis by the end of November) was progressing. He responded by saying that it had hardly progressed since the last weekend. This response hardly surprised me. I know that a final year neurosurgery resident has no time to eat, drink or sleep, let alone finding time to do the analysis of the data that he had finally collected and write the rest of the thesis. Numbers and statistics were the last thing on his mind when he finished work every day around 10.30pm and had to prepare for the next day. I asked him about the Diploma in trauma and surgery which he was pursuing. He said he was lagging behind by four modules. I was worried and wondered how he’d he able to manage it all.
He realized that I had become quiet, "Ma," he called softly, "don’t worry I’ll be fine. Do you know something the aloo paratha (potato stuffed layered bread) you sent me today was awesome, I found a quiet place and gobbled it down between my first and second surgery. It was so good, now I have the strength to sit up and work late into the night." I knew he said this to make me happy, but I was happy that he at least had one full meal today.
My son had always handled stress very well, besides it wasn’t like him to be slack or be behind schedule on anything he took up. However being a final year neurosurgery resident wasn’t easy, he lived on chocolates and coffee on most days. I always packed breakfast and lunch for him on days he went from home especially after a well deserved day off work which happened very rarely. Weekends and holidays did not exist on neurosurgery residents calendars.
This young man was so human, he acknowledged his inability, he worked so hard to make things happen, he cared for the patients under his care and did his best for them. Above all he is a great son who cares for his parents, he doesn't want us to worry about his problems and spoil our health. He makes sure he speaks to us everyday, even if its only for a few minutes. Somehow this realization struck me deeply today.
I've always believed that we are able to rise above our problems when we care for others, that is when we become truly human. While he hung on the cross, Jesus was worried about his mother's well being and gave her into the care of his beloved disciple. He feared that the sins of those who did this injustice to him might go un-forgiven, he begged his God and Father for the forgiveness for their acts.
To care for others is to truly love them. To make time for others, to partake of their suffering is true love. There are many who come to share in our happiness but there are very few who are with us through the path of difficulties. Our so called friends run for cover when we need them the most, suddenly we become their liability.
After my son and I finished our conversation I felt I had much to think about. I for one feel the need to give more. After I fell Ill, I stopped writing for almost a year, my work with young people as a mentor had also come to a standstill. I was caught up in my pain. When I got back to giving my pain was pushed to the background and my work became my focus. I truly have reasons to thank my son for helping me remember this life lesson.
I know in a few months from now he would have completed his MCH in Neurosurgery, his thesis would be behind him, he would have received his additional diploma and he would be less stressed. With all these troubles behind him he would start a new life perhaps finding the woman he loves, a profession he is passionate about. Nothing in life remains the same. These are passing phases of life. Life is a balance of both pain and pleasure, we just can't let ourselves be drowned by one. Neither can we at any point stop giving. Giving not just of our material wealth, but of our time as well. Anyone can give money, but not everyone can encourage and lifts others up. This takes time and time is the greatest gift we can give others.
People value our time with them the most. Remember this Sofs, remember this always. The time we give others and the effort we put in to make the lives of others better is what counts in the end.
I have been a teacher, a mentor of sorts to the youth in our church. Many families are happily reconciled and united because I spent some time with them when they needed it the most. Many remember me and send me messages, but this shouldn't stop. Throw your worries behind you and put back the smiles on as many faces as possible. Don't stop now Sofs, your journey only ends when your heart stops beating.
Thank you diary for being my best friend, I am glad that I can confide in you and speak without filters.
Thanks #ladiesofhive for this great opportunity to share a page from my diary with you.