Life is a mixed bag of hope, happiness, disappointments and failures. No one is exempt from troubles and we all have our share of happiness too. However, I believe its not what life throws at us that determines the quality of our life but how we approach it. Having faced personal losses from a very young age I had learned to accept life as it comes. When you don't see anything as a problem you approach life from a different perspective - you see everything as surmountable tasks which need to be faced.
This was my attitude to the problems I faced in life then. I had just graduated from college but I missed distinction by a few marks, three to be accurate. These three marks cost almost denied me a seat in the course I wanted for my master's program in another college. The cut off was 80% and I had missed the mark. I refused to take no for an answer and I decided to meet the dean and speak to him personally for which I had to pull a few strings. I sought the help of my department head who got me a few minutes with the dean.
I dressed very professionally and elegantly for the interview. I knew that first impressions count. I walked into a huge board room where two men were seated dressed very formally. I guessed one was the dean, but I didn't have a clue who the other one was. The dean asked me to sit and before I could even get seated he asked me - "Why should I give you a seat for this course when you don't qualify?" I answered saying I though I may not have the marks I have the aptitude and the right attitude for the course. The barrage of questions that came flying at me from either side of the table in front gave me no time to think and respond. However, I answered all of them confidently. When they were done questioning, the dean and the vice dean stood up, so did I. Then the dean asked me if I wanted his decision now or later after he had given it some thought. I responded by saying I'd like to hear it now. "Are you sure?" he asked me again. "Yes, I am," I said confidently, he tried to test me a bit more but I decided not to show any doubt. The dean said something I will never forget - I love your confidence and your attitude. He then asked me to meet the head of the department for management studies and then complete the admission formalities. I learned a lesson that day that it was important that I believe in myself, self doubt could have ruined my chances that day.
I completed my masters with a university gold medal, the dean who gave me the medal told me that the faith he put in me wasn't wasted. This further strengthened my faith in myself, I wowed to work harder and never give up on anything. This lesson that I learned helped me in my first job interview. I went to another state for the interview and was rather surprised to see more than a hundred candidates being interviewed for a single post. Sixty percent of the candidates fell through in the first round, another thirty percent or more in the second round and there were five of us who were waiting for the final round of interviews. I realized that I was the only one with no work experience. I refused to let that deter me from doing my best, I knew that I needed to keep my faith and prove my mettle, when the time came and I did just that.
When I was thirty three I had my second baby, right after that my back gave way, I couldn't lift myself or walk, let alone being able to carry my baby. The doctors I met told me it could be osteo-arthritis and I might have to deal with pain all my life. I knew then it was the time to be courageous and never let fear and despair creep in. I wrote poetry, photographed birds on the tree next to my bedroom and plunged headlong into recording stories that were swirling in my head. I never allowed myself to wallow in self pity during this period. One year had passed by and I was still struggling to walk.
It was at this time I met someone who told me to forget what the doctors had told me and work on rewiring my brain to healing and health. Being a trained therapist I need this advice to wake up that fighting spirit in me. In a couple of months I was walking without assistance and I was back at work within a year.
Life has been throwing curve balls at me every now and then, but I refuse to give up. No, that wouldn't be an accurate statement. I refuse to believe in what I see or hear around me, I only believe in myself and in my God. I refuse to allow negative thoughts to stay in my head, I weed them out as soon as I become aware of my thoughts.
I refuse to let situations and circumstances dictate the end result to me, I let me thoughts and actions decide the final result. I have no fear of failure, I only fear not doing my best. When I have given my best in every situation I refuse to worry about the end result. I am ready to face failure if need be and learn from it.
Two years ago I had three heart attacks in a gap of ten days, as I lay in that screeching ambulance I was ready for death but I wasn't going to give up without a fight. I looked back at my life and felt that I had no regrets nor did I have great attachments. Only the sight of my husband's worried face made me feel sorry for him.
I held my spouse's hand and then both my sons hands and kind of bid them a wordless farewell. I was proud of my family, my sons are great human beings and amazing doctors (one still in the making). What more could I aspire for? The contentment I felt in my heart at that moment made me smile as I was wheeled into the operation theater. I live to tell the story today.
It is not pride in my achievements, but hope, a never give up attitude, doing my best and looking at life from the perspective of I will surmount this problem as well if not I will learn from it, has helped me sail smoothly through life. The lessons I have learned from life are priceless, they are the ones that give me this feeling of contentment and peace in every situation. Gratitude fills my heart even as I write this. This is my third opportunity to live a normal life.
This is my answer to to both the questions that were posed for this week's contest. I am so thankful to the # ladiesofhive community for these contests which give us an opportunity to share our thoughts and experiences here.
All images used in this post belong to me.