#Ladies of Hive contest 100

Hello Ladies,

This week I was immediately triggered to enter the contest when I saw the questions.

For this week we want to know:
1️⃣ Do you know how to be an effective advocate for your loved one or friend when they are dealing with a mental health issue? Do you know how to respond, who to contact for help? Have you ever faced such a challenge?

2️⃣ Romance increases and anyone can be a target. Scammers create fake profiles on dating sites and apps, or contact their targets through popular social media sites such as Instagram and Facebook. They form relationships with their victims and build trust, sometimes over months or even years. They end up asking for money and often pretending they need it for medical bills, travel expenses, or unexpected emergencies.

What will you do to avoid falling victim to online dating scams?

Photo by Vlad Chețan

Unfortunately, the weather in our country has changed quite a bit, and with more humid weather that unfortunately means more problems for me from the chronic pain in my arms and hands. So I'm not going to beat around the bush... and straight to the point.

The first question is one close to my heart. Let's say that I had my fair share with that.

  1. Advocate for a loved one with mental health issues. I certainly had to deal with it. As well with my mother, but also with my sister. And in our early childhood with a friend who lost her mother to cancer, and she did not know what to do and wanted to commit suicide. In the end she didn't do it. But we learned that all we could do was lend her a sympathetic ear. And most important, a safe place where she could come. A place for her where she knew she was being looked after and valued for the person she was. She was allowed to be who she was, to develop herself, to fantasize about what she wanted to be. 💖

For my mother it was especially critical that my father was her mainstay in life. When he got diagnosed with lung cancer, fell ill, and slowly but surely became weaker and died after almost 2 years of fighting, my mother got very depressed. She tried, for my sister and me. But she also fell ill shortly after my father died. And when she got out of the hospital after three months, she really didn't want to live anymore. She already had health problems due to her COPD, but after this last hospitalization she was even more limited and now also permanently tied to oxygen use. The few pleasures in her life that she had before her last hospitalization were now almost all gone. And still she really tried to accept her fate and move on once again. She did her best, for my sister and for me. But she couldn't take it anymore. Her energy was gone, and she missed our father too much. Due to all the circumstances, my sister and I hadn't really had time to mourn our father's death when we had to let our mother go. Once they were back together, our grieving process could begin. .
How we could help her? The only answer here is, NOT at all! She didn't want to live anymore, and then you can talk what you want. In Dutch we say, "Je kunt praten als brugman", but if someone no longer sees bright spots and they no longer want or can go on themselves, there is little you can do. Even professional help couldn't no longer do that talk and possibly give anti-depressants, but if the person doesn't want to, it simply stops.

Because we had lost both our parents within short time, and my sister was already overstrung and prone to depression. Which she expressed in this case by going out, looking for new challenges. In short, she was playing a risky game with a lot at stake. And here too, I could only be there when she wanted me to be there. I could also only call in professional help when she wanted me to (which she didn't at the time), otherwise it will stop, at least here in this country it does.

So in short, my opinion is that you can only offer a listening ear at times when they ask for it, receive it if it is necessary. And I have taken care of my sister, as far as I can 😇, and let her know that I am there for her. I took her in and let her live with me, I went beyond my limits. I didn't end up in a depression myself, but I express my frustrations differently, I get very angry.

When that happened it was better that I quickly choose for myself, not to hurt my sister ☹️. However, this has taught me that I have to guard my own limits very sharply in order not to let it happen again!

So far my response to the first question.

Photo by Pixabay

2 Luckily I have a good partner, so I won't be dating online. 😉 Not even if my partner were to drop out for whatever reason. On facebook I only accept friend requests from people I already know, in real life. And if that's the case, I certainly won't just transfer money, I'll make it clear that I don't have much to spend myself, and so don't transfer money, no matter how difficult it would be for them. That I would be happy to help in some other way, but not by transferring money. 😊

Since I don't have any experience in online dating or whatsoever, I can't really talk much more about this. And, honestly, I am very glad with this and really want to keep it this way.

As usual, I'll try to look at the other entries and hope that no one here got scammed because of an "online love".

Thank you for reading my post and hopefully I see you all soon again.


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