Grief comes and goes and is especially poignant on special days. This past weekend was the 168th General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I was especially missing my mom and dad.
This is a two day semi annual conference of the church where we are taught and inspired by leaders to come unto Jesus Christ. We grew up watching conference in our home, our parents made it a priority. The whole of my 46 years I have always listened to or watched conference and in my adult year I very much look forward to to it and take notes. This weekend was the first conference my mom was not here to watch it.
Each Sunday morning the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square performs Music and the Spoken word. One of my mother's favorite things! She listened to the choir in the early 1960's before she even knew anything about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and hasn't missed a music and spoken word program, if she is home to watch it.
Below are pictures from a time that I went to see The Choir perform in Salt Lake City, Utah with my parents in February 2013.
Sunday morning, before General Conference I listened Music and the Spoken Word in memory of my mom.
I thought of her and read from a booklet entitled "When you are Grieving" given to us by hospice. I cried as the beautiful music played and the speaker started his short sermon by saying, "Every person deserves to be remembered, acknowledged, and appreciated." How true!
Scotty sitting with mom mom on Sunday morning listening to The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square on January 28, 2019, one day before she died.
It has been just over two months since my sweet mom died. Here are somethings I underlined from the booklet as I read and listened to the music. (I would encourage you to click on the link above and listen to the music as you read.)
"Symptoms and emotions will often come in waves."
So true. Sometimes my memories are happy and of good times. Sometime I just really miss her and my dad. And sometimes.... like Sunday morning when I was listening to music that she loved so much... I cry.
"Crying helps let the pain out. Tears help relieve stress, lower blood pressure, and promote healing."
I don't remember being told I couldn't cry. I do think however that I grew up thinking that I shouldn't. Sometimes it is hard for me to cry. So it is great to read these words and allow myself to let those emotions to be expressed.
"Expressing grief is an important part of the healing process."
One suggestion the booklet gave was to "Start a blog". I thought to myself. I already have a blog. I should blog about this experience. What it is like a couple of months after losing my mom for me. Maybe by my expressing my grief others will be able to do the same. Like I said in the my post Share My World: Sweet Sacred Experience "As part of my grieving process and to expand the conversation about death and dying I want to blog about my thoughts and experiences."
"There is no right or wrong way to feel when you are grieving. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions you need to feel. Try not to ignore them. Also, don't let others tell you how you should feel. Remember that whatever you are feeling is right for you."
What a great reminder. It is different for everyone and so is the timing. I need to remember to be kind to myself, it hasn't been very long and I have lost both parents. It is a big transition and my world is very different now.
"We grieve because we have loved. That connection cannot be broken."
Instead of feeling that I am weak or not in control. I can think of my grief as an expression of my love for my mom and dad, whom I miss so very much.
Experience watching general conference two years ago.
I also felt the love of God when my dad died on September 30, 2016 and the next two days was General Conference. I was buoyed up by the Spirit of God during this time.
Taking notes of the guidance and impressions.
Grief comes and goes and we should learn to recognize it and express it and be patient with it and ourselves. Thank you for letting me express myself here on this platform. It says a lot about the Steem community that I feel like I can talk about things so near and dear to me in such a public way. Thank you for your kindness.
If you would like to listen to or read the messages of General Conference here is the link.
Also, the link for the April 7th Music and the Spoken Word, which is the weekly program on Sunday mornings, by The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square:
Both have given me messages about peace, hope, love this past weekend.
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