I just watched this Netflix documentary called "League of Legends Origins". It is pretty cool actually. I know I know this game's old but hey I'm old too. Fun fact, I used to be addicted to online PC games. All those sleepless nights. No lost hours, just proper fun times. Anyway, this documentary hit close to home, not that I played this game before, but it reminds me of my gamer girl life. It reminds me of my friends. It reminds me of being part of something. It reminds me of that life that I already left behind.
I used to play something similar back in the day like Warcraft, DOTA, Battle Realms, Starcraft, etc. It wasn't because I was so good at gaming, I guess I just liked the company of my friends. Those were my happiest days. It was one way to escape the reality of my life outside school. And besides, I wasn't really popular in uni and was just a nobody. But I thought playing these games would give me that"cool girl" factor at least. I met a lot of cool people too. So now I am missing the community. Or maybe, I just miss my friends I used to play with who have already grown up and are living different lives now.
So, I am thinking of investing in a proper gaming rig. I want to go home to a different world waiting for me after a hard day at work. At least just give that to me. If I am enjoying something then it is probably worth all the money. If I will be happy, then it's also worth my time.
I think I am still trapped in the past. The young, carefree, full of life Me. Ready to slay monsters and live the fantasy world. So why did I quit gaming? Is it because my friends have already moved on and are not very much into gaming anymore? Is it because I have no self-control and I might get addicted again? Is it because I don't want to be called one of those unproductive and no life people? Funny because I actually had a social life when I was still playing games. Gawd, I think I've been living for other people the whole time, always conscious if I am doing what is expected of me. Well, not this time.
You know what? As this society I am part of is becoming increasingly unlikeable with or without pandemic, I realized how much I needed some sort of escape. I am pretty much done with trying to please people, finding the right people, being with people, as if I am only brought to this earth to make all these people happy. But, what about Me?
If gaming is going to help ease my anxiety and make me feel part of a community again, then I'll go back to this fantasy world. Because reality hurts and I need some sort of escape too. We all do.