Distracted. (an episode)

Eyes flutter. Lids open. There's noises on the other side. A broken rhyme on loop in my mind. Chains, twisting around my bony wrists. And rope. Sealed, race finish. What? Who's talking? What are they saying? Who did I want to be a moment ago? And where did that go? What's for lunch? What's for lunch.

There's music. That's nice. There's safety in noise, like there's peril in silence. Smell of coffee, only who's drinking coffee at this hour? In the morning, the light will come, and I won't be ready for it. Worse, I won't remember all the things I'm trying so hard to forget now. I'd like to hammer my worries out. Pick them off like nails. Smell of wood. A dead beetle on the wall. Plastered. Baby in a mother's womb. And then, there's me.

I need to get going, soon. They'll be waiting for me. On the other end. Where I can pretend not to hear the noises. Sometimes, when I think too much, I get scared. Thoughts scatter 'round me, like glass shards. Bare feet. Blood. So much blood. I crouch, licking my fingers, flesh sinking to the ground. There's dark, but there used to be light, also. Sometime. I wonder who I was ~ who I was before all the noises came. And I reach out for the sea, and the lifeboat. And the...the...the.


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Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash

Oh, hello there. I haven't seen you round here, but do take a seat. I was gonna tell someone about something, but it's alright, 'cause I think they forgot about it, too. Subway. Danger on the line. Death, in big, black letters. Writing to save a heart. WARNING: DANGER OF DEATH.

And people know to stay away, then, yes? Though even now, I lean off the platform. Which one they talking about, and do they all kill? What are the others guilty of? Warning: Danger of Discomfort? Dementia? Delusions? I fall off the platform, and onto the tracks so many times in my mind.

Make a plan of how I'll claw my way back. Gouge your eyes out, if you try to push me, so you better not. Because I'm secretly terrified. Who are you? Where did the other fellow go?

Can anyone hear me when I swallow real hard? And will I hear my own thoughts, once the noise in my head dies quiet?

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