Everything that happens to us is external - it is only our reactions to it that determine how you will experience an event. I've been reminded of that this week with @choogirl's post on zero pointing - similar to Buddhist concepts, zeropointing asks us to understand peace is within. We are our own meaning makers - the external world is powerful but has little to do with who we can be. It's no use blaming our jobs, our relationship, the prisons we find ourselves in. We create our own meaning. To truly live this means to deprogram ourselves from the patterns of lifetimes, but it is possible when one is determined to do the work.
There is no noise in the world, there is no peace in the Himalayas. Both are within you.
– Swami Satyananda
And so @tripode's call to write for their Energy Refill Contest here on HIVE came at the right time, just when circumstances had me thinking about how far I've come over the years, and the strategies I use to find joy even in the maelstrom. It's something my husband and I discussed at length, having found ourselves stuck on a mountain road, three hours from nowhere, on a very hot day and with no cars passing to give us a hand.
How we reacted was so different it gave us much cause to reflect on our strengths and weaknesses. It became, like many things in life, an opportunity for self reflection and growth.
The Energy Refill Contest asks us to reflect on the phrase attributed to Nietzche:
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Here we were on this track with the very real possibility we were in bodily harm. It is no joke to be stuck in the bush in very high temperatures - we'd expected to be out of there by midday, but the Landrover had other plans.
Our reaction to this situation was so different. Jamie was swearing and raging - why did this happen to him? He'd had a hard week, and all he seemed to do was fix cars. And he's looking for me for a reaction, and I found myself with none to give, which I said.
'Honey, I have nothing to say.' I really didn't. Anything I articulated would make the situation more heated. To agree with him would heighten the negativity of the situation and increase the anxiety and panic I wasn't prepared to feel. My brain had already gone into practical mode - I assessed very quickly which side the shade fell, the fact we had 25L of fresh water, a lot of food, shelter, and that the track was a logging track, so a truck was bound to come along, even if it took days. I had utter faith Jamie would fix the car. To me, it was an utter waste of energy to moan about a situation and make it energetically worse.
All I could do was offer practicalities. Breath. Drink a glass of water. Have a muesli bar. There is no hurry. Give yourself space to think about how you will solve the situation to hand. Have faith in your ability. To his credit, he listens - and did just that. Before too long, a ute drove by, containing a contractor working the roads and cleaning up after the January fires. He stopped, let us know they were working down the track, and that if we needed, there was reception up on the hill and the RACV could make it down that road, even if it took hours. Then, a logging truck stopped to ask if we were okay! Turned out we weren't as isolated as we thought.
Reassured, Jamie set to work, deducing the issue. Eventually, there it was - a wire had worked itself loose.
And off we drove, eventually to a cool and refreshing swimming hole where we washed off the dust and rejuvenated our spirits.
It's situations like this that make us stronger. What tools do we have to get through? What would happen if we reacted one way or the other? Jamie had had an awful morning, and I'd had an exciting one. He had a bad memory of the day and I had a good one - we'd been tested, and we dealt with a situation by finding practical solutions and working together. I did the psychological support and the practical suggestions, he did the grunt in the engine and drove us out of there.
It was only later in the evening that he conceded he needed to be a little more positive in a crisis. Perhaps his resilience had worn down a little due to the pressures of the pandemic, perhaps he needed to practice his reactions to things. I argued that as soon as you articulate the negative, it's all you will focus on. It's a practice to find joy, even when there isn't any, or appears not to be.
I was looking forward to the afternoon despite the trial of the morning. I was excited about reading a book, about swimming, cooking a good dinner, relaxing. I'd already moved on by focussing on the possiblity of good. It was a choice - and as I explained to Jamie, it's a choice I practice nearly every single day. Because I didn't want to be unhappy because of the situations that life will throw at you every single time. Life is actually relentless - there is never a point where you sit and go - wow, I'm permanently happy now.
So the rest of the trip he practiced being excited about possiblities.. About catching a trout. About going to a track he'd always wanted to go to. About reading by a river. About walking. About spending time together. The breakdown faded into the background.
On the way through Melbourne, he turned to me and said 'I think I've learnt a lot - I reckon what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'.
And it really does. Every external event, however negative it may seem, is an opportunity.
With Love,
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