Shame is a negative judgment we give ourselves when we don't live up to our own standards or the standards of others. Common reactions to shame are discomfort, a feeling of inadequacy, a desire to hide, and most likely anger towards yourself or others.
Guilt is similar to shame. When we feel guilty, it urges us to change our thinking and behavior. Toxic shame is different from guilt.
Guilt focuses on certain behavior. Toxic shame deals with how we judge ourselves as an individual.
Toxic shame can be paralyzing. We are often unaware of toxic shame as it is in our subconscious. Toxic shame hurts much more and lasts longer than regular shame.
Some words to describe how toxic shame feels are insecure, worthless, stupid, foolish, silly, inadequate, or less then. Simply put, shame comes from not being told that we did something bad, but rather we are bad. We may be told this by ourselves or others.
This shame prevents us from accepting positive regard from ourselves or others. This can cause us to have problems in our relationships.
Shame prevents us from being fully present with others. We also can waste a lot of energy avoiding situations that may cause shame.
As a result, our natural desires for love, friendship, and approval are inhibited, which can lead us to feel angry.
Toxic shame is learned early on, causing self-talk that focuses on feeling unlovable and not good enough.
Shame is brought on by criticisms of us as persons, rather than our behaviors.
We may receive constructive criticism, which causes shame. We believe the person is criticizing us as a person, rather than our behavior.
This can make us angry or expressed in other ways such as depression.
Shame can also be developed in adults through traumatic experiences like PTSD or through the effects of addiction.
Shame causes us to have highly negative self-talk meant to protect us from experiencing it again. However, this results in highly unrealistic expectations. such as perfectionism and the need to be right.
Posted from my blog with Exxp : https://johnkarnish.com/toxic-shame-part-1/